Lights off

Chapter 22 Requital

Spencer's POV

Once I heard the door slam shut. I flinched. The few words he said before leaving were roaming my mind in a tiring way that it almost exploded. He'll just leave? Was it this simple. He left me stunned. Thinking about everything and anything. So, that's it? No more scary things? No more unexpected actions? No more unwanted kisses, hugs and touches? No more crying, flinching, gasping, shivering, shaking and trembling? No more splattering words? Or squirming legs in refusal? No more staying afraid, scared and frightened for what seemed like forever? I was frozen, curled up on bed and hugging my knees so tightly. I took a very deep breath, and sighed deeply, shakily. I calmed a little bit as I lay down. Hot tears kept streaming down my face until I hardly slept. 

Next morning, I woke at the sound of something zipping and continuous movement around the room. I was still semi-conscious. So, I didn't realize what was happening but then I did. He's probably packing his bags. I felt the pressure of the bag under my feet, at the end of the bed as I was still lying. I sat down and hugged my knees. The movement stopped for a second and then it continued. I felt so bad towards him. I hurt him last night. I didn't even see his eyes, how did he react. I felt so ugly from the inside. I hurt people's feelings. I felt heartless. 

"I'm sorry." I blurted out. "Please." I continued quickly. He paused again. But I think at the end of the bed. 

"It's okay Spence," He said, weakly. And a bit cracking. I felt it." you don't have to apologize." He said walking away to somewhere else. "I'm the monster anyways." He murmured in a very low voice that I barely heard him. Monster? What would make him a monster? I'm a bit confused. I felt like the words were stuck in my throat. I feel weird. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm just not used to this? It's a bit weird to process that he's really leaving. I heard the zip of suitcase slid, I guess. 

"A-Are you mad at me?" I asked, worriedly. And feeling so unsteady. 

"No, Spence." He said in low voice after deep sigh.  My body started shaking, I don't know why. I heard the heavy suitcase land on the floor. And it was dragged to the door, I think. And it paused. "Goodbye, Spence." He said, his voice sounded really cracked, like he splattered the words out. I couldn't answer, still processing what's happening. It was like I'm at a loss of words. He sighed again. "I hope you'll have a great life, Spence." There was a hint of hurt through his voice. The door slammed open. "Probably without me." He mumbled quietly, cracked. But I heard him. Then with that, the door was slammed shut. In a split second, I stood up, trying to walk the fastest I could. 

"Wait!" I yelled. Searching where is the door. I had the urge to cry. I found it after a few moments. "Hey, wait-" I was interrupted by falling on the floor as I was tripped because of a stupid carpet. Once I fell I burst into crying but I tried to fight again once I stood on leg it fell to the side. My knees were too weak. And that made me cry even more. I sat there, in middle of nowhere, crying so hard. I kept backing away, still on the ground, until I hit the wall. I curled up and hugged my knees, crying my eyes out. Gasping as my throat was too dry. I felt so unsafe . But now I'm free, right? I don't I just kept my back against the wall crying like I'm the only human being in this world. After like an hour or something, my back hurt. So, I went inside to continue crying on bed. I lost someone, and I don't how to feel about it. It just feels weird being alone. After being accompanied by a person for such a long time and then suddenly they're gone. "I'm scared." I whispered, shakily. And with that I slept after crying my eyes out, with a shaking body. In a very vulnerable state. I kept dreaming the same dreams. I heard a couple of knocks on the door. Are these involved in the dream? 

I stood up and walked slowly towards the door. Trying to follow the sound as it would make it easier for me to reach it. "I-I'm coming." I semi-shouted, so the person outside would hear me. I reached the knot of the door and opened it. Not expecting anyone. But then someone slammed their lips hard on mine. So, I definitely knew it was him. I flinched and kept stepping back in shock. He was cupping my face kissing me hungrily. I backed away until I hit a wall behind me. He kept kissing me lustfully, with no mercy on my my lips. He tugs at my shirt but I didn't respond as I was still surprised by his sudden action.