Lights off

Chapter 20 Dreadful moments

Toby's POV 

I didn't want to wake up. I didn't even sleep deeply to wake up from a deep sleep. My mind was full of thoughts. I don't wanna know the results. C'mon Toby! Are some fucking results scaring you?! You stupid coward! I'm not scared! Liar. Yes, I'm lying. Fuck Toby move your ass! I climbed off bed after staring at Spencer while thinking. I made my daily routine, I showered, put on my clothes and went to the academy. Please god, don't let this happen. Please, let this all be just a dream. Please god, I really believe in you. Let it all be easy on me. Let everything coming up and pass easily, in a split second. I don't want to lose another person again, in the opposite way...

Lorenzo's POV

Toby is not much of a person who talks about his feelings a lot. He doesn't even express them. Our friends didn't really get him sometimes. When we were kids in mid-school they used to call him the mysterious guy. Behind his back of course. Because they didn't know how would he react so they'd always keep their selves on the safe side. But I always went to tell him. He could act normally but you would never know what's going through his mind. Until he says it. And probably I've been the only person he talks to, always. I've pity on him sometimes. He bottles up a lot. He masters hiding his feelings. The word 'LOVE' is hardest word he could say. But he can show it through his actions. That's why I know he's fondly, dearly and deeply in love with Spencer. I mean look at what he does to her! Anyways, I can proudly say that I could read how's Toby feeling through his eyes by 50%. All I see now is nothing but hurt. Hardened hurt eyes. I feel like he's in huge fight with someone inside him. A demon, maybe, waking his conscience in a very bad timing. Toby's sometimes scared to give his heart to someone. Cause when he does he wouldn't be able to gain it back. Even if he needs to. Because when he loves someone. He could give up on anything for them, do all the possibilities to just see a smile on their face, pass all the obstacles in the way just for them, do anything effortlessly even if it costs too much energy to be done, cares too much; more than normal, risk anything for them, be overprotective as he always wanna see them safe and sound. And be theirs forever. Toby's problem is when he does something, It's either the most of it or the least of it. The word 'medium' doesn't exist in Toby's dictionary. Despite all of this, he would never ever express it with words. Toby's a really sensitive person but he never shows it. He's too aware of someone hurting his feelings or breaking his heart. In my opinion, Toby's too vulnerable but he's too arrogant to show it. He acts like he's a hero but he feels nothing but pain. And all I could do for him as a friend right now is to assure him that everything's gonna be okay even  if he leaves Spencer and to be by his side in the bitter and sweet. Especially today. I was thinking about all of this looking at Toby who was messing with the spaghetti with his fork, effortlessly. I was soon interrupted by him, questioning me. 

"Do you think she would gain it back?" He asked, looking in front of him, unconsciously. I can't give more hope than required nor disappoint him deeply. I don't know what to do. 

"Maybe not?" I said, making it sound like a question, as I didn't know what to say. "I mean she's been blind for god knows how long. So she can't gain it back out of nowhere?" I suggested. He looked at me, giving me all his attention. Shit, I just gave him hope. And that'll only make it worse because if the opposite happened he'll be shattered to pieces more than he's already broken. "Uh, but everything's potential you know." I quickly corrected myself. Hurt was crystal clear through his sad eyes. He looked down again, sighing. I sighed feeling like a worthless friend,  who's not giving the best advice. But I've got my excuse, I really have no idea about what's gonna happen. I patted his shoulder. "It's gonna be okay, man, don't worry." I tried to assure him. But his constant face expression didn't seem to change at all. We went back to training and Toby tried to take all his negative energy on the punching bag. I don't even know he still doesn't feel hurt in his hands? Man, he's so frustrated. After we finished training, we went to pack our stuff. I knew I shouldn't leave him in such a day like this. It was obvious I was gonna give him a ride. "I'm coming with you." I said as I was putting my stuff in my bag.