Lights off

Chapter 21 Fed up

Toby's POV

I felt like every step I take, falls a part from me. It's like I'm shattering apart as the times passes. During lunch, my mind was such a mess. After that I tried to take it out on the punching bag. I kept imagining it as the man who'll be with Spencer after I fade. But hey, I wasn't even with her. Let's face it. My eyes became watery a bit, but the tears didn't fall. They never did. The thought of it weakens me. It makes me feel powerless. Watching the person who matters to you with someone else other than you is so heartbreaking. Seeing someone you lov- no i'm not in love with her. I'm not even attached to her. Am I? 

We went to the hospital. Lorenzo waited as I asked the nurse for the doctor. She told me he's in an appointment with someone. And I'll be after them. She offered that I wait in the waiting room until my turn comes. While she was talking a woman passed behind me, crying her eyes out. Though I didn't know what was she crying for. But I definitely felt the pain she was going through. I wanted to cry just like her. I had pity on myself. I don't even know how to take it out. I'm a man. I should bottle it up, right? Just leave the pain eat me alive. I went to sit beside Lorenz but the doctor called me. I felt my heart drop and something weird in my stomach. I entered the room with him. 

"Please have a seat, Mr. Cavanaugh." He asked, gesturing to the chair in front of the desk, while sitting. I forced a small smile. "So, it's Ms Spencer Hastings, right?" He asked getting a few files out of one of his drawers and putting them on the desk, searching for her name. Once he said her name, I felt that weird feeling in my stomach returned back again. We sat in silence until he found her file. With a smile on his face. Which wasn't a good sign. "Ah!" He said once he found it. "Guess you're a lucky man, Mr Cavanugh!" He cheered, happily. 

"Thank you." I murmured, faking a smile. Though I wasn't even close to happiness. 

"Ms Hastings is one of rarest yet luckiest people who had the chance to be cured from such a chronic decease." He said, examining her file. I felt happy but at the same time sad. "I'm gonna tell you all the details." He started, "First, the whole situation takes 2 weeks to be completely done. As there are some preparations shall be done before the surgery. As for the surgery itself, it only takes 2 days. One day per eye, so we wouldn't tire it. And after that we keep covering her eyes just so it could cope with the whole situation. After the surgery, she needs full care. Light shouldn't be strong around her. She should always wear sunglasses as the sun would be her greatest enemy. Just until she gets used to the great change. I advice you to give her the chance to make the surgery. It might be a bit expensive but gaining back her vision is truly worth it, any questions?" He asked me. 

"No thank you so much, doctor." I forced a fake chuckle. Trying my best not to break apart. We shook hands and I went out; to ask the nurse about the fees and shit. I was trying to breath normally. My heart was pumping hard. When I went out, it was obvious Lorenz noticed my face expression so he kept his mouth shut, not bothering to ask. He just stood up and followed me wherever I was going. I asked the nurse and she answered me while writing the information down on a paper just in case I forgot. I took the paper and left after thanking her with a forced smile. I probably succeeded at drying my eyes before talking to her.  We rode the car. and he took the paper and read it. 

"The surgery costs 500$, wow that's a lot." He said after reading, jokingly with slight chuckle at the end. I didn't answer. He coughed in embarrassment and carried on. "Umm the period starts once you pay the fees." I sighed, leaning my elbow on the window and hiding my eyes in exhaustion. He started the car and drove me home. Until now I was great at pulling myself together. But once I saw Spencer. It was like a wrecking ball hitting me hard in my heart. My eyes became watery again, but gratefully not a single tear fell. My entire body started shaking. My knees went weak. I walked to her. And I noticed that she backed away a little, but despite that I sat beside her, so close. I kept staring at her for a little while.