Lights off

Chapter 11 Disquiet

Spencer's POV

After waking up when the guy left. I kept thinking, about myself. You know I always have like 2 persons inside me. Like a devil and an angel. But not exactly, It has nothing to do with it. It's just two persons inside me, the optimistic one and the pessimistic one. They always fight. That's why there's always a war inside me. A quiet one. No one feels it except me. I always do one thing to trail it off and stop it. I cry. Most likely the common way to express my feelings. Crying weakens me. Makes me feel alone, cold and sad. There was always that blanket on the couch so I pulled it on my cold body and curled up, crying quietly. I've been always scared. I never had a safe place to land. Nor anyone to take me in their embraces and tell me they're with me and that everything's gonna be okay. And no it's not this guy, I thought, answering the optimistic person inside me. He used you, because your body! Said the pessimist. Ever since he knew you were a virgin. No that's not true! He loves you!  defended the optimist.Then why hadn't he say it till now?! asked the pessimist. Regardless of! He does actions more than words. I mean, he takes care of you. He hugs you until you sleep! He spends his money on you! He tells you things that makes you feel good about yourself! He takes you in his embraces and rubs your back until you calm down while you cry hard and tells you not to bottle it up. He has never hurt you! He makes food for you and FEEDS you! WITHOUT getting bored! And guess what he NEVER asks for something in return! Said the optimist, angrily. The pessimist was shut, she didn't say a single word. Just too angry for being beaten. I was shocked, either. I didn't know how think towards him but all i can say is that I will ALWAYS be afraid of him. Because believe me being blind and living with a stranger is really thrilling. Because of the same reasons I'm too tired of mentioning them each time. But staying between his legs, like a helpless captive. I feel trapped there. Not able to move nor see anything. And what does he expect me to do? He expects me not to cry. A really hard expectation to be done. This is the most frightful position I dread to be in. And guess what? he does it all the time. And my reaction? I can't do anything about it. Why? because I'm a coward. I can't confront him. Because the slightest thing he does frightens me. No escape. I'm stuck in this fearful nightmare. I cried myself to sleep that night. 

Next morning when I woke up I found myself on the bed. So I thought he carried me here in my sleep. I knew he was sleeping beside me due to his breathes. I didn't move in order not to wake him. I just lay there. Trying to get rid of any negative thoughts about myself. Until he moved, inhaling deeply. I assumed he woke up and I was assured when he spoke. 

"Heyy, you're awake." He chuckled, huskily. I felt he was approaching me. I knew I was right when he whispered in my ear. I shivered at his breathes. "Good morning, princess." He said before taking a few strings of my hair behind my ear. I flinched at his sensual touch. I felt he approached me and then he kissed me, inhaling, cupping my face. I was trying to back away, burying my head in the pillow but it was no use. Through the kiss he climbed on the top of me. No, not again. God, help me please. After kissing me several times and me begging him not even continuing the 'please' till the end he finally stopped. Leaning his chest against mine. "So, What are you up to today?" He said, teasingly. While playing with my hair with his fingers. 

"I..uh..I-I just wanna take a shower." I splattered. He chuckled. 

"Though you smell like vanilla I'm gonna help you out." He said climbing off me and helping me stand up. I felt he was getting further and when he handed me something I've realized he was bringing me a towel. 

"Th-thank you." I said. And before I even know it he carried me up, heading to the bathroom I think and he put me down. He handed me some piece of clothes. I was confused. "W-What is this?" 

"Your underclothes." He chuckled. "If you want to get out only in a towel, I've no problem." He laughed. I felt the heat in my face, I believe it's bright red now. "You're so cute when you're shy." He chuckled before kissing me, cupping my face. I flinched but his grip was too tight to slide from. I heard the door slam close. I sighed in relief. I was about to take off my clothes but then I refused. What if he's still here?