Lights off

Chapter 28 Don't let me crash

[This is Eric.]

Spencer's POV

We've been working on the case for a few days now. We reached some pointless clues and it didn't help in anything. Officer Toby...I mean Toby was a great help in this case. Why do I call him officer Toby? Maybe because remembering he's a policeman turns me on? Or remembering him wearing the uniform which does the same thing? Speaking of, my feelings for this guy grows stronger every single day. How come someone could be this perfect? I mean just look at him. Or his eyes..body.. the way he talks..the way he does anything, he's just so perfect. As much as he makes my heart skip a beat as much as he breaks it and makes ache. I can't tell him. And that's the hurtful part. I wanna say it so badly. But.. What if he's already seeing someone? What if he embarrasses me and says that this is inappropriate? And that what's between us is only business and nothing more. Damn, it's getting more awkward the more I think of this. Don't worry, Spencer. Maybe he'd ask you out...eventually. Ugh, It's eating my mind. I wanna stop thinking about this. Damn. It's so annoying yet hurting.  

Today, he was supposed to come to tell me about any new updates in the case. So, I woke up early,  took a shower, and dressed in a presentable clothing, while applying some slight makeup over my face, and sprayed some good-scented perfume. I went outside to make myself some coffee. I grabbed a book and sat on couch reading it while drinking my coffee. I love this book. It's category is romance. That guy once told me that romance is beautiful. Yea, I still remember him. I would never forget the impact he had left on me. I kinda miss how I felt when he was here. While I was reading the book, the bell rang. I went to open to see the most handsome guy on planet. Today he was wearing normal clothes not the uniform. Just a simple squared shirt and a pair of blue jeans.

"Good morning, Spencer." He smiled at me with his beautiful smile. I melted from the inside. 

"Good morning." I smiled back, moving to side the let him in. He walked in front of me and I smelt his breathtaking scent. "So, what do you want for breakfast?" I asked, nicely. 

"Ahh, no thanks. I'm full." He said, slightly chuckling as he made his way to the couch. But I was still standing near the kitchen.

"What no?! I waited for you so we could eat together! Now what do you want?" I blurted out, quickly. Shit. I tried to act cool. I froze so that's what made it seem cooler. Fuck, Spencer. I shouldn't have said that out loud. He froze too, looking at me with wide eyes in shock. 

"A-Anything would be great." He said in normal tone, but shock was obvious in his voice and his eyes. 

Without another word I walked into the kitchen. Feeling my face heat up from this very awkward moment. I made some sandwiches and went out. I gave him the sandwiches and we talked a little about the book. And with that he left to carry on investigating with people around. Once he got outside of the house. I held my forehead feeling like the dumbest person on earth. 

"Shit, Spencer!" I went to wash my face, cursing myself all along. I lay my back on bed, hugging a pillow with this guy's scent. I don't know what do I want. Sometimes, I feel like I have feelings for this guy that I've never seen. Well, not exactly. I've seen his soul. His humanity. But I always denied it. Maybe because he did me greatly wrong in the past. Or should I think from the side that 'People make mistakes'? Then, now I'm catching feelings for a policeman. Which shouldn't be happening. I don't know why. I just feel like it's wrong or...inappropriate I don't know. I just feel it. But that's not only catching feelings. I have to admit that I have this huge crush on him. But why am I not denying that? No explanation to this mess going in my life? no. Okay. I've been thinking about the same subject for a long time. But for today it's been like 2 hrs. And I'm feeling so down because I feel like everything's messed up. I feel kinda depressed. I wanted something to make me forget about this or make me feel better. I went outside the room and I decided to play the piano. And I found myself playing the same song that this guy taught me when I was blind. It used to be my favorite back then...Actually it's still my favorite. Ugh, that's not helping me to forget! While playing it the doorbell rang and I opened. He told me he heard the piano while he was outside and wanted to hear it again. We sat beside each other. And I played it. Then, we both started playing songs we both knew. Every second passed with him. I felt the urge to say it or maybe kiss him. I wanted him so bad. Damn, why is he so perfect? After we finished, we talked a little about the case and he left. Once he left I felt like I wanna cry. This so messed up. I don't even know what do I want.  I wanna forget about this. And sadly there's only one way to do so. Though I've never done it before.