summer of '17 • jenzie

16 ↝ abrupt leavings & awkward moments

Mackenzie Ziegler
23 June 2017

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An hour into the movie, I'm bored. Hayden's almost shitting his pants, and it's hilarious, but I've watched this so many times I can recite the words and I know when the bad parts are coming. I'm full of energy, and I need to do something. Anything.

"I'm just going to the bathroom, okay?" I tell him, and his eyes don't leave the screen. This is one of the not so great scenes. I guess he's handling it well.

"Okay." He replies, clearing his throat and giving me a weak smile. Turning, I walk downstairs to our bathroom. Spotting Lauren, I change my path.

"Lauren." I say, and she turns.

"Oh, hey." She smiles, giving me a casual high five. "How's the date with the incredibly hot guy going?"

I check behind me before groaning silently and closing my eyes in annoyance.

"Ohh, I know that look." Lauren laughs, a slight tease heard in her voice.

"It's just not working. I try to see the positives, but he's just annoying me to be completely honest. It's just not right. He's not right." I explain, averting my eyes. "I guess I really did try though, but–"

"He's not Johnny." She cuts in, finishing my sentence, and I close my eyes, nodding.

"Hayden's everything I want and more. But I just don't see it."

"I still don't see why you can't just tell Johnny you like him!" She starts, and I hush her, sighing.

"I told you Lauren, it's not good timing right now."

"Mackenzie, next summer he's going to freaking college. If you don't tell him soon, you never will. And, I might just tell him for you." She finishes, whispering almost angrily.

"I'll think about it, okay?" I say, biting my lip. "No promises. Just.... don't tell him. Please."

"Okay." She replies in a nicer tone this time, before poking out her tongue. "And if you're not going to keep the guy, at least kiss him first." She smirks, walking away, and I blush.

Kiss Hayden? The mere thought of it has me freaking out; I could never.

Realizing it's been a while, I take the stairs two at at time up to the lounge. As I head through the kitchen, Johnny's there eating last nights leftovers and circling the table. As soon as he sees me he walks out the open doors onto the deck, which makes my chest pang. What the hell have I done to deserve the silent treatment?

Calming myself, I block out the stupid thoughts and move to sit next to Hayden. He smiles cautiously at me, obviously realizing I was gone for a while. I stretch my legs out next to his, and look up at the tv.

"Oh my god, I love this bit!" I exclaim, and he gives me a weird look. "Sorry." I giggle, feeling way too energetic.

"Why?" He whines jokingly. "This movie sucks."

"Aw, too scary for you?" I coo, and he's halfway through telling me to shut up when one of the bigger aliens finds it's way into their house.

"Nope. It's boring." He says, eyes still glued to the screen.

"Oh, so you won't mind if I do this?" I giggle, grabbing the remote and shutting the tv off. He looks at me, incredulously, before we both burst out laughing. I'm way too hyper.

After we've calmed down a little, he stares at me. As in a full on, intense stare. The moment seems to slow down, and I'm suddenly aware of his fingers tracing my thighs, and my breathing quickens. No, yes, I don't know. Should I?

Before I can make a decision, he makes it for me. Our faces get closer and closer, and electric shocks pinpoint my gut and and my mind. After a lot of anticipation, his lips meet mine; softly at first and then more hungry. His hand cradles my cheek, and I automatically kiss him back.

Seconds later I slow, thinking. He's an amazing kisser, but everything he does right just seems so wrong. I pull away, carefully, breathing softly. He stares at me again, but I look away to avoid the hurt most likely in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry Hayden." I breathe.

"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have." He whispers back.

"I really am sorry, I just know you'll find another girl... but it just can't be me. Not right now."

"I understand." He then says, and we both manage smiles. Or rather, grimaces that are pretending to be smiles.

"Can we please stay friends?"

"Mackenzie, I couldn't. I like you, and it's just without the hope of something more... whats the point?"

"Oh... Okay." I whisper, feeling my throat get thick and my voice turn sad. "Thank you Hayden." I finish, and it takes all I have to not break down. I clench and release my fingers.

"Thank you Mackenzie. But I– I should go..." He says, clearing his throat. I nod.

"Okay." I whisper back, and watch the space he leaves behind him. "Really Hayden, thank you."

"It's okay." He finishes, a note of finality in his voice, before turning to get his bag and leaving out the sliding door.

Collapsing on the couch, I sigh and put my head between my knees, running my hands through my straggly hair. A tear drips down my goddamn cheek. Why? He's a perfect guy, with a heart of gold and looks good enough to be a model. Why? He's funny, charming, has a good sense of humor and he got along with my parents. Or rather, parent. Why?

Because I'm still hung up on Johnny; the guy I've been in love with for five years of my life.

I used to sit in class, warming my hands over the radiator in the winter, and think about him, whether he's sleeping, or out with friends, or with other girls. Other girls he could give his coat to, and buy hot chocolates for, and introduce to his parents. I used to think about him all winter, and all autumn, or so it seemed, only for us to spend a magical night together and then never talk about it again. Did he regret it? I don't know. Did I? Not a second. What is holding him back? The threat of Hayden?

I freaking hope not.

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[1090 words]

Ooooh! A lot just happened. I hope you like this chapter and if you did please vote or comment :) Love you guys!

*edited