Chapter 34:Stars Danced

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Word Count: 1038

The moment I walk into school I can tell, something's off. It was a regular Tuesday, unless...

Did I have a test I forgot to study for? Nope, that wasn't it.

Julian has called and texted me a number of times since last night but I ignored them. I felt a twinge of guilt but it had to be done. I refused to actually think about the erm kiss.

The memory brought heat to my face.

I didn't want to play with him. At least not anymore. At the beginning maybe I had used him but now things were different. He knew who I was and that just made me anxious.

Last night I waited for a text from them but nothing. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe they were satisfied with my 'accomplishment.'

I frown to myself as I open my locker. Everyone's talking in hushed whispers. People gave me looks as they walked by. That was not normal.

I grab my books and shut my locker. I lean against my locker, killing time scrolling through my phone on Instagram.

The phone buzzes, a new message. My heart skips a beat. I slowly click on it.

iMessage
Unknown
Naughty, naughty girl. One kiss was all a requested. Now everyone will see what a slut you really are. I warned you. Have fun dealing with this one.

Xoxo

There was an attachment along with the message. I only kissed Julian once. I never broke any of their 'rules'. I didn't tell anyone, I even wore their stupid 'costume' What had they done? What had I done?

I click on the attachment. A poster with three pictures popped up. A picture of me kissing Julian, Cade kissing my neck and me dancing with the guy from the party.

Across the poster it read: "Lilly Parks is a SLUT. No wonder she got raped. Always asking for it"

I look at the poster in shock. How had they gotten these? I didn't know what to do. What could I have done?

I lean against my locker for support. I stifle a sob with my hand pressed against my mouth. Oh my god. They had sent this to everyone. Now I knew why everyone was talking about me.

I stared at the girl in the photos. I knew they were me, they looked like me but I felt like I was staring at a total stranger.

Despite what I knew happened with Cade last night, in the picture it look like I had actually enjoyed him kissing my neck. I looked around the hallways people were staring at me, whispering.

I pushed back any tears that threatened to surface. I kept my head held up high and made my way to the bathroom.

"I always knew she was a slut" I heard a girl comment maybe a little too loudly to her friend. I ignored her comment and forced myself to keep going.

I closed and locked the door behind me. That's when they came spilling out. My vision was blurred while I tried to calm myself down. Panic bubbled in my chest.

I gasped for air as those familiar waves of chaos came crashing down. I wasn't in my own body. I couldn't move, I couldn't calm myself down, I couldn't do anything except sob into my hands. I felt my legs give out as I fell onto the cold floor.

I cradled my legs to my chest and rocked back and forth trying to sooth myself. The bell rang but I barely registered it.

I was short of breath and dizzy, stars danced across my vision as I hyperventilated. I couldn't seem to get enough air in my lungs. For a second I closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath.

I choked as it all just closed in on me. I so desperately tried to calm myself down and to comfort myself, I just couldn't.

I shivered despite the hot flashes. This wasn't happening, there was no way this was happening.

Despite the emptiness in my head I couldn't hear anything. It all just seemed like buzzing. Until..

"Lilly!" A voice called clearly concerned. I still hadn't calmed down. I couldn't react but I heard. It brought me out a little. I sobbed, gasping for air just wanting this horrible feeling to be gone and never come back to haunt me.

The door opens. Nina, Maya and Alissa come rushing in. In that moment didn't, I couldn't comprehend who or what was happening. Choppy thoughts, fragmented words filled my mind. All I knew is that I wanted to be alone.

"Oh my god" Alissa whispers. Maya stares at me and goes back to lock the door.

Nina rushes to me and wraps her arms around me. Another spike of panic courses through me.
"Stop!" I screech "Let go of me! Get away!" I trash in her arms, not wanting to be touched.

"No, no" Nina says quickly "Its okay, it's okay. Pressure will help calm down your synthetic nervous system. You'll resist it at first but it'll help" she squeezes me tighter.

I kick and try to free myself "No! Don't touch me, get off!" I scream.

Nina shushes me "No, it's okay. You're alright"

I choke, I couldn't get the air in my lungs fast enough. I stop fighting her, for a second. I still couldn't breath but it helped ground me.

The pressure was tight and consistent. It seemed like that only thing that was still there. I'm still sobbing but no longer fighting Nina.

"It's okay" Nina murmurs "You're okay, everything will be okay"

Alissa sits down ok the floor beside us and strokes my hair soothingly.

Maya sits in front of me, her figure looks blurred behind the tears in my eyes. She doesn't say anything, she doesn't move. Maya jut sits there but it's enough. Her presence comforts me.  She doesn't look at me with judgemental eyes or seems uncomfortable with me.

I take a shaky breath in and close my eyes. Alissa is still stroking my hair, Nina is still holding me and telling me it's okay.

And I know that Maya is still here.

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