Falling for the Raven [L.Lawliet x Reader]

Chapter 34

Sorry it's been so long since the last update. Also I'm sorry for the language that's about to happen. I tried to avoid cursing in this book, but there's so much built up tension I felt it fit.
Y/N's POV
Not bothering to take my bags, I ran up the cemented pathway leading to the modern looking house. I felt my body glide through the air, one foot after the other. I was still unaware as to how I would deal with the current situation. Two seconds was about all the time left to figure out what to do. Lucky for me, I didn't have to figure this out.
The front of tennis shoe got stuck on the third and final step leading to Lawliet. I stumbled; a "GAHH" noise escaping my lips. My eyes shut tight as I waited for the impact of the stone.
He caught me. My eyelids opened to leave me staring at his white shirt. His left arm reached to lightly hold me chin. He turned my head to look at him.
It was weird. Normally when someone you love romantically turns to kiss you, you have at least some urge to kiss back. Normally I would, but this time I didn't. I didn't feel the same as I used to. There was no "spark." Maybe I'm not so madly in love with Lawliet as I thought I was... that kinda scares me.
Reality immediately snapped back in a wave of shock. This allowed me to aggressively shove him away.
Frustration controlled my hands, making them run their fingers through my hair.
"What the hell?" My voice was easily recognized as angry, yet it stayed in a calm and controlled state. "Two. Months. I thought you were dead for two. Fucking. Months." Emotion slowly seeped into my words as my attempts to hold back were ignored.
"I know, and I'm sorry."
I whipped my head away, looking at the stars that danced in the sky. A sarcastic smirk playing on my lips. If he thought an apology would solve this, then he should be on his knees begging for forgiveness.
"I... I don't even know what to say to you... Why? What in your brain told you this could be a good idea? You're supposed to be smart, right?" My questions were equally powered by frustration and curiosity.
"I know your upset, but it was the only choice-" I cut him off.
"THE ONLY CHOICE? The only choice was to fake your own death, and fuck with my emotions?" My words spewed out, doused in a bitter and hurt tone. Tears had already made the decision to race down my cheeks.
His eyes shut tight, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. Silence surrounded us, fueling my anger. He didn't have any right to act frustated. He's not the upset one. The silence was pushing me toward my breaking point.
My bottom lip quivered, holding back from letting out a cry. "Why?" I repeated, this time much more hurt. I wiped away my tears with my right hand.
"I fucking hate you," I spoke softly. I wish I could. I so deeply wish I could hate him, but of course that's impossible. My breaths came out shaky and uneven.
"I know, and I'll do anything to make it up to you."
"Shut up!" This time I was harsh. Not loud just annoyed. "Stop saying 'I know' like you do. Cause you have no idea what it's like. You act like you're so wise, and that you've already unlocked the knowledge of the universe. BUT YOU HAVEN'T! You can't describe to me what it's like to watch someone you love die right in your arms. To hold their wrist and not feel a reassuring pulse. To slowly break into pieces. Why? Because human emotion is the one thing you can't understand! Do you even get how much you've screwed up my head? Honestly. Before you, I was doing fine. I got regular cases, and I had a pretty steady, relaxed life. A few months ago I would've said you were the best thing that's ever happened to me. Now that I've thought about it, the only thing you've brought to me is stress and tears and confusion.
And do you assume an apology could help? Like the words 'I'm sorry' could patch up our relationship. Well, news flash, your words aren't helping you out. I'm not sure if anything can help," I'm done. I had spewed out my anger, and now I'm done. I gave myself a few seconds to come down from my high. "I-I don't think this is working out."
"I'm sor-" he paused for a moment, carefully processing the words I had just spit at him, "what's not working out?"
"Us." One simple word held so much meaning.
He froze, lips parted, glossy eyes, tussled hair. "Y/N, I love you-"
"I love you too, but you need more in a relationship than love. Like trust and communication. I just- I don't know why you didn't tell me."
"I couldn't tell you I was alive because I was supposed to be dead-"
"Lawliet," I whispered to be sure no one heard his real name," the Kira Case is still flooding the news, and I have a life to get back to in Japan. I think this is the part where I leave." My hands trembled, and I avoided eye contact. I stepped one foot backwards and pivoted around.
"Y/N wait," he locked his hand around my wrist," please just stay a couple nights. We can talk this out. I swear I have a logical explanation. Let's just be around each other for a bit... please." His voice was hoarse and nervous. Desperation tainted his words making him sound even more vulnerable than he already was.
Maybe he wasn't the best with words. I turned my head around to looked at him. I sighed, staring up at the sky. Tears still welled fresh in my eyes.
I contemplated,"...Fine. I'll stay."
After the words escaped my mouth, a glint of hope returned to Lawliet's eyes. His lips tugged into a smile, and he tried to pull me into a hug. I stepped back slightly, still upset at him. I mean, how could I not be?
The following moments were pretty awkward. Watari, Near, Mello, and Matt's existence was acknowledged. That's when I realized that they had probably watched that whole thing, and they probably felt really uncomfortable the entire time.
We all shuffled through his front door, luggage in hand. I beamed at the beautiful house. It was furnished wonderfully. Which made me sad, for no logical reason, slightly envious. In a way I sorta wanted to decorate a house with Lawliet. We'd own a house together and stuff. But what can I do? We've been apart for months. What's happened to me? I'm jealous of home decor.
I continued to admire the house as we went on, peeking into each room. The floors were marble, and the house was quite modern. There was one elevator next to to the flight of stairs, leading to the upper floor. From the upper floor we could've gone to the roof, but we held off. When we reached the upper floor, the master bedroom was behind two large door on the right. But we were headed to the rooms for Matt, Mello, and Near. One room had two twin XL beds, and the other was a queen size bed. The two rooms were connected by a bathroom with two sinks and a door separating the sinks from the shower and toilet.
"Dibs on the big bed!" Matt screeched jumping onto the queen bed.
"Hold on a second!" Mello immediately protested. "I'm not sharing that other room with Near." They both whipped their heads around to hear Near's side.
Near just shrugged. He began to drag his luggage to the other room, probably knowing full well that neither of the boys would let him have that queen size bed.
Before Near opened the door, he turned back to face me. "After they bicker for a while, they'll come to a decision."
I smiled at his words. I was amused at how well these three boys knew each other, despite how cold they act.
"Shall we continue the tour? Mello and Near have been here a lot, so I don't think they need to see it all again. And I don't think Matt will stray from the other two even though he's only been here twice." Lawliet's words kinda pissed me off. The tone was so steady as though he was un-phased by our fight. And those boys have been here a lot? Why did these three kids get to spend time with him, but he lead his girlfriend to think he was dead?
I decided not to pull that thread. He said he had an explanation, I still trust that, I still trust him. I'd much rather see his house than fight with him. I nodded," Sure."
"I can take your bags if-"
"I'm okay." I cut off his offer. Maybe I should time my responses and not cut him off. It's hard when you're extremely irritated by the person in front of you.
We took the elevator back to the main floor. This floor consisted of the garage, his office, a living room, a dining room, a half bath, and the kitchen.
The bottom floor had a pool table, another living room, another kitchen, a small massage room, another bathroom, a gym, a laundry room, a movie room, and a guest room.
There was a door leading out to the pool and hot tub, along with a small green lawn.
I set my bags down staring at the giant guest room I'd be staying in.
The tour was quiet. I remember all the comfortable silences we've shared. No words exchanged just two people basking in each other's presence.
Yeah, that tour was the exact opposite. It was awkward unfilled space with nothing to do except avoid all possible eye contact.
I can't help but wonder if in all the time we spent apart made me lose my feelings for him. Or maybe I've always felt this way and there never was a "spark." Maybe in our time apart I remembered things to be better they actually were. Maybe I'll never get the ever desired fairytale romance.
It was uncomfortable when Lawliet left my room. He hesitated as though he planned to speak more. Hovering in my room for a few seconds longer than he had to. I turned away, and he left. I let him leave... I let him leave, again.