Rose Gold Hearts

Chapter 22

Two weeks later
Dez
Lord knows I am sooo ready to get out of the hospital. I'm healing at a fast pace just to prove it. All my tubes are out and I can eat real food.

As far as my ribs, they still busted and I have to breathe in this contraption thingy every 4 hours while my mum writes the numbers down.

Speaking of my mum I didn't even know they would call her considering I'm grown now but sure enough she's been here. Her and Cinnamon being here is like having two moms..how great.

"I told Desmond when he was 18 I said 'Desmond you know one day you gonna meet back up with that Cinnamon girl and when you do you need to marry her!' Didn't I say that baby?" She asked me. I sighed.

"Yes mum you said that" I mumbled. Ever since Cinnamon told her the truth about my profession she's been wanting me to settle down! All of that is fine and dandy in a fairy tale but in this life you gotta get it how you live.

The game isn't just something I can drop, even for someone like Cinnamon. I mean I know I should acknowledge the fact that she's been here by my side for 2 weeks straight but I'm missing out on money!! The moment I let my guard down to talk about lovey shit, I end up in the hospital so yeah I'm not worried about that right now.

"Since your mom is here I guess I'll head home now I don't want to be a bother heh.." she lightly chuckled playing in her twist. "besides my birthday's coming up and as much as I wanted to stay home Sapphire wants to do something for me"

I nodded my head just analyzing her. Was she worth giving up all the money and respect I could ask for? The endless amounts of head and riches?

"Alright then birthday girl..just come see me whenever I'll call you or something ight?" She nodded flashing her smile before hugging me gently and kissing my cheek. She's never made letting her go easy for me. She's just so damn lovable man.

She hugged my mom and was out the door with her stuff.

"Uh huh don't think I forgot about yo lil sneaky ass! A pharmacist really Desmond! You went to college and everything but you settled for drug dealing. Boy if you wasn't already in this hossy I'd put you in here my damn self!" My mum stood up and began cleaning while fussing.

I leaned my head back deep into my pillows sighing. I felt like a 16 year old all over again...

Sapphire
Ever since I picked Sweetness up from the hospital she's been in the best mood. She even jumped on me and hugged me so tightly. I was sure I'd suffocate. I guess she's just ready to get back home. Hospitals are the absolute worst for her.

I turned the radio down to get serious for a second. Glancing over while driving I took a deep breath before speaking. "Hey uh Cinnamon..you think we should go see your therapist and doctor again? Maybe see about your prescription?"

Her smile instantly vanished and she shifted in her seatbelt. "I don't know.." she mumbled chewing on her bottom lip.

"Look I know it's something you don't want to talk about but I'm just being cautious you know?"

"So what you don't think I'm getting better?" She snapped. "You still think I'll harm don't you?"

I immediately pulled over on the highway and parked the car. Taking off my seatbelt I turned to her. "It's not that I don't think you're getting better! I just know how you get in your head and I don't want anything to happen is all I didn't mean anything by it.."

She snatched her seatbelt off and turned to me with anger in her eyes. "Okay Sapphire maybe I'm actually good this time maybe if you just trusted me for once you'd see that I'm not that weak ass girl from high school anymore ok? I'm stronger now so just get that through your head!" She raised her arms as she exaggerated and I noticed her wrist. Fresh tiny red cuts on them. Oh hell no.

"Monae show me your wrist.." I said in the most serious tone as her eyes widen. She looked around frantically and tried to turn back straight in her seat. I grabbed her arm firmly and analyzed both of her wrists. I gasped seeing her left arm was cut up bad.

I looked up at her some stray tears falling. "Why?" Was all I said staring at the cuts on top of scars.

She was crying at this point trying to pull her arms away but I held them.

"He was in so much pain because of me. It's always been my fault that's why he left to begin with and now he's in the fucking hospital Sapph. That's on me! I'm bad luck I deserve this pain just as much it doesn't matter okay I'm fine it's okay let's just go please.."

I climbed in the backseat and pulled her with me as well. Holding her arms I stared into her eyes. "Are there any more?"

Cinnamon
I hate that Sapphire knows me like a book. I hate that she brought up the therapy shit. And I hate I fell into that stupid pit of despair once again. I let my thoughts get the best of me.

I unbuttoned my jeans and slid them down slightly showing the deeper cuts on my right thigh. She covered her mouth with her hand and wiped some tears away. I just wanted this entire moment to be over. I let her down again.

"I..i know sorry won't fix this but I'm sorry I'm so weak minded. I've been harming I haven't been eating I haven't slept I'm just so tired I just I don't know what to do...I'm not good enough I won't ever be good enough.." I sobbed into my hands.

Suddenly I felt a stinging sensation on my thighs and I cried out in pain. She was cleaning my cuts with an alcohol pad from the first aid kit.

"Look!" She said sternly and I made eye contact while sniffling.

"This is it you hear me? There is no more of this shit. I refuse to sit by and let you mutilate your beautiful brown body okay? That shit is dead completely! I want all of your blades, scissors, all of that shit. As on right now you are on a 48 hour watch you can't be alone or not in my sight. I swear if I lose you over some fuck shit man..." she shook her head fixing my jeans and cleaning my wrist.

I promise to myself I will do better. I will not let these bad days turn into horrible decisions.

"I promise I'll do better" I said in a raspy voice staring deep into her brown eyes.

She stared back and I could've sworn I seen a glimpse of passion.

"Good now come on so we can plan this birthday of yours" she smiled climbing back into the driver seat. I just buckled up from where I was and let out a deep breath. Do better Monae. Do better.