Broken Pieces

*Open letter to my Father*

How do you wish a man a Happy Father's Day when that man hasn't been a father? A man who hasn't tried to have relations with his only child. His excuse,"I don't talk to anybody." That of course excludes his chosen family. The family he hand picked. Well You're still there, and he's still missing everything. Your birthday, your school events, and everything that is important to you. He cancels plans last minute, he lies, he breaks your heart over and over. Why do you continue to give him chances? Because you feel like maybe just maybe if he actually shows up or answers that call, you're good enough for him. And you hate that his acceptance feels like he gave you the world. Even if he only gives you that once maybe twice a year. What do you do on the hundredth chance you've given him and he does the same thing. Give him another? Until when? Until the ache in your heart fades? When does that happen? Why do you measure your worth based off his acceptance? When will you be good enough? You're tired of sitting around waiting on him to want you. He's toxic. The thought of him destroys your happiness. You've tried for so long to be the perfect daughter. And then you gave up, and then he called. To yell at you. To tell you how bad of a person you are. To tell you that you'll turn out "just like your mom." He doesn't get to make that decision.  He doesn't get to tell you who you are. He wasn't there at your lowest points, he usually caused you to get there. He doesn't get to choose when he wants to "care". How do you wish a man a Happy Father's Day when that man hasn't been a father? You don't.

I have written so many things about this man. He has broken me over and over. If you have a father who isn't present, just remember that you will rise above that pain.