Broken Pieces

Only Me

Here lately my brain is just trapped.
I don't do anything.
I cut so many things out of my life without actually realizing how much they added to my life.
Now its just... silence.
I kept my self busy with fake emotions, fake friendships, fake love.
It kept my world loud, distracting.
But now I'm back where I started.
A totally new person both mentally and physically, but still feeling the same.
It's strange how life works out that way.
I can't help thinking of everything that I broke.
Sure I blamed it on my circumstances and bad timing.
But in all actuality, it was all my fault.
Leaving many people behind because they couldn't keep up with the new me, I didn't care about how much it hurt them.
Because screw them for holding me back, right? wrong.
Well now I'm back and with nothing to show for it.
Well except for the lessons I learned.
I dropped people off when I wanted to explore this bland world and picked new people up.
And when I got bored I came up with excuses to end it with these new "exciting people".
And when I came back, no one was there.
No body cared that I left them anymore.
They got over it.
And I AM so fucking full of myself to think they would have just waited on me.
And I don't blame them, my levels of toxinity finally began to show.
I'm the bad guy you read about in the books, I just didn't know it yet.
I'm so fake.
In reality.
I talk about the world like I give a damn, but do I?
Am I really that concieted to think anyone is actually listening anymore.
I'm a has been that never was.
And it's all beginning to show.
I'm a narcissist and have been for awhile.
I thought changing my appearance would make me feel more liberated but all I do is hide.
I look pretty confident though, I talk as of I know what the hell is going on.
Newflash I fucking don't.
I'm finnaly exposing myself, but once again who cares.
No body.
But maybe it'll make me feel better anyways.
I can't change.
And why would I?
At least this way I'm being true to myself.
But I'll still be fake tomorrow.