Broken Pieces

Self Love

You're happier now, I guess as you should be. I'm standing in the monumental piles of my own self destruction, I'm breaking down, throwing my fists against the walls. Cutting you off will show you how much of me you may need. I need to feel like you need me around, and that's why you keep me around. Not because you pity me, but for yourself. My head is fuzzy, I don't want anything else, but maybe I need something else. Maybe I need myself, I haven't talked to her in awhile, I've been so cruel lately. All I tell her is how terrible she is for things she can't control. She grabs for my heart with tears rolling down her face, I give it to someone else. She hands me ideas such as a diet, or maybe do makeup. She even goes as extreme to tell me to start being bulimic again, take some laxatives. Have I made her this desperate? Was I the one to make her this way? Did I tell her how pathetic she is too many times? I thought she was strong, could handle it. I guess no one is as strong as you'd think, not even her. She reminds me of the love we used to share with each other. I'd look in the mirror and tell her that her flaws made her beautiful. Or how much I loved the way her eyes looked when she was happy. I haven't been very kind or loving to her lately. I had built a fortress to protect her from harm, but I built it weak. One pebble was thrown and it all fell down, the wolves came for us, drug me away and left her there alone. In dismay. So I figured I couldn't love her ever again, I needed to build a fortress around someone else, love them. She always came pleading at my door. I hated her so much that I stepped out of the fortress I had built with another to tell her to go away, leave me alone, I don't need you. She smiled, she knows I'll never be able to escape her. We are connected through every essence of the universe. She is me. I am her. The fortress behind me fell and I was only left with her. I realized all the mistakes, all the abuse I threw at her. Please forgive me, I want to love you, show me how. She takes me in, wraps me up in love, all the false love I had built with others crumbled and I was left in her arms. My arms. She is self love, she is my body, my soul, my mind. She'll never leave me, how do I leave her so easily? How do I forget who she is? Who she was? I want to relearn her, learn what makes her happy, what makes her unique, what makes her worthy. She is so worthy and I couldn't even see that because I was blinded by a love I had for someone else. She cradles me and whispers that we were never broken, just lost. That I have to truly love her first, or any other love would never last. I'm with her forever, I might as well appreciate her raw beauty. And so my lesson was learned. The journey of self love begins now.