Broken Pieces

Unfair

I'm not fair to the people around me.
I expect them to take on my emotions and deal with them for me.
I expect them to give me answers and comfort without feeling my feelings.
It doesn't matter who it is.
I'm looking for someone to carry all my issues on their shoulders so I don't have to feel them anymore.
Or at least for a little while.

How is this fair?
How do I validate this?
I can't even handle my own shit so why do I think it's okay to make someone else do it?

I had found someone who was willing to do all of this for me.
And I really didn't like it.
Just the idea of it.
So I destroyed that and made it yet another issue to add to my collection of agony.
Another thing to have random, attacks over.
To dramatize for no reason at all.

It scares me how cold I can be, how easily I cut people off.
Maybe it's protection for me,
or a way to tear down another.
My brain flows in so many different directions,
which do I take?

So we've gotten to the bottom of it again.
I'm able to make the "right" choice with various decisions.
So instead of just making a decision,
I ignore them.
Which directly relates to all my initial problems.

I'm sorry I'm unfair to you.
I'm sorry I don't want you around if you can't relieve the constant burden of my problems weighing me down.
I want you to be my human pain reliever,
and when you refuse.
You're no use to me.

This is toxic.
This is unhealthy.
This is a direct representation of how terrible some parts of me can be.
You're inability to comprehend my vast brain,
leads to my inability to need you around.

And you may wonder as well,
How can someone be so unfair?
We both will ponder this for eternity.