Broken Pieces

Made to be this way

Safe.
You make me feel safe.
But not comfortable because I know I will always be the one fighting for our love.
You tell me I'm not being enough.
Not nice enough.
Not strong enough.
Not motivated enough.
Not good... enough.
You calmly display your dissatisfaction,
ask for more effort.
Less restraint.
More happiness.
Less tears.
I More affection.
Less sex.
Stop being you.
Is what you're saying.
Be less difficult.
As if every voice that crosses my mind, doesn't tell me the same.

So you take away your safety,
dangle me on the edge of the cliff and say if I work hard enough you'll pull me back in.
And so for days I starve for your embrace,
your affection.
Because now when you do it,
it feels like it's just to keep me at bay.
So I don't stray too far and always blame myself when you begin to lift my anchor and watch me sail away.
You're never the one to fight for this love.
"Try. Try. Try.
I want to see you fail.
Fight for my love so I can break you like I've been broken."
You know every bitter word to spit at me,
every far fetched accusation,
every disappointing look.
That makes me want to stay,
stay so I can prove that yes I am enough.
I swear!
I'll hide my emotions and paint a pretty picture in your brain.
I'll give you my body when you want it and allow you to abandon it too.
I'll hold you tight and never expect the same.
I'll shower you in love and affection and all the things great in this love,
so that maybe... you'll want to stay.

Not enough emotion, talk to me about how you feel.
Wait, what?
When did that all change.
You've been so distant dear, I feel you pushing away.
I'm sorry.. I'm giving you what you wanted.
No no, I need to feel your pain.
Okay... here's how I'm hurt.

Safe. I'm feeling safe again.
But when will my over emotional heart begin to bear down on you again.
Today you want my vulnerability but tomorrow will it be my strength?
I never know where I stand.
You seem so god damn perfect, so how dare I let this go.
I'm the broken one and you're the one made to put together the pieces.
Is how it seems to feel.
I warned you of my scattered brain,
my varying feelings from day to day.
I can't be a cookie cutter mold of what you want,
I'm meant to be this way.
I'm meant to be all over the place,
to keep you on your toes.
My soul is from a Gypsy,
it'll never stay the same.
Please take me as I am,
and never make me feel any less than unique.
Any less than just right for you.
You'll never find another like me,
which is a blessing turned to a curse.
My dear, your safety
feels more like ice ready to shatter.
And I've never been one to walk lightly.
So it'll shatter at moments notice,
and we'll both plunge down into the biting cold depths of our souls.
Hearts broken,
lessons well learned.

I'll always wrap you up in my arms and shield you from the storm.
Just hold on my dear and you might see,
this heart was build vigorously.
I'll hide you from the winds,
the lighting will never hit you,
the rain never graze your face.
I'm meant to be your haven,
so please stay right in this place.

Don't change me, don't mend what isn't broken.
I meant to be this way so that you will never suffer another heartbreak, not by my hands.
So don't break your own heart, and leave me as your found me.