[Now Playing: Give it All by He is We]
***
Dear Lori,
If someone asks me if there is something insufficient on me, none. You made me complete. You bring me back to my proper mind but you make me crazy at the same time. Remember how we met? How about the day when I started courting you? I call you nothing else. To utter your sacred name would be a sacrilege. So you are my queen, my forever queen so your tears twist my gut with pain. There is nothing I long for more than to bring you comfort.
Do you know what is the best day of my life? It is when I saw you walking on the red carpet, wearing a veil and the white gown. I remember how my eyes became wet as I watch you walk and come closer to me. And after the ceremony, I kissed you. Not the typical kiss but the kiss that was made with sincerity and love. Do you remember it? I hope so. After how many months, you made me the happiest man in the world. During your pregnancy, you don't grow plump in any area other than your belly and I love watching you waddle about cradling the curve wherein rests the life I planted. At night, I hold you in my arms as you guides my hand to where it kicks and stretches. Remember how I trembled and laughed as I feel the little feet and hand jutting out?
As the days passed by, you are getting weak. I thought it is a part of the pregnancy but no, you lied to me. You told me the last time about your cancer and we already pass that challenge. And now, you didn't tell me that it came back. Why didn't I know earlier that you are fighting between life and death again? You were sick that time and all this time, I have no idea. That was temporarily eased when the fruit of our love was born and named it after us — Lark.
Day after day, you're getting weaker and weaker. Hospital became your home. There are times that you can't even remember a single information and do you know how it hurts?
You ordered me to buy some food. In the middle of my way, I felt a rising sense of panic. Something terrible is going to occur, something dark and evil that I should not pry into. The time when I came back, people around you are crying.
I asked them why and as they whispered the answer, tears stream down my cheeks unchecked as I approach you in the bed. You don't look dead at all, your head rests on one side, eyes closed, fists curled by your chin. You're so still. I reach out to touch you then draw back in horror. The warmth I had treasure whenever I hug you is all gone. You are cold, the breath of life has departed. I sob, great gasping, gulping sobs of despair. I hug you and I don't wanna let you go. I held you in my arms for a long time until they announce to take you. I press my face against your pillow, it still smells like you.
I am too weak to break free, however. Perhaps, some part of me knows I can no longer follow where you went. It is over, it is all over.
The next day, I am alone when I awake, you, my Queen, is still gone. I want to wish that it was all a nightmare.. but it is not. No amount of screaming against the fates or God or whatever force of divinity that decides these things will return them to me. I am silenced. I require no comfort.
I'm so sorry, I am your king and knight but my queen, I cannot protect you from God. But it is not all over yet because you left me with an angel.
For my queen will never be seen again, I'm letting you go. Thank you for the memories that I will treasure forever. I love you, goodbye.
Yours Truly,
Dark
I tied my letter and put on the turtle dove's feet. I watched it as it fly to the sky to deliver my message to my love. The sky that is dark earlier became peaceful. I smiled, maybe Lori received it already. With new determination. I got into the house, to my child, to the life that I still have.
When I got home, I found Lark sitting quietly on the floor with his Yaya. "Naku ser, pagkagrabe ng ugali niyang batang iyan!"
I walk closely and carry him "Da-- Da--"
"Say Da-ddy. Say it, Da-ddy."
"Da-Da.."
"Dark!" he shouts and grins at me while clapping his hands. I frowned. WHAT THE FCK? HOW COULD HE?! This child.. SHIT! "Dark! Dark!" he shouted repeatedly.
Later that night when Lark fell asleep, I started browsing on my laptop.
I was so bored that I end up searching the meaning of your name.
Almasy (2005) Lori. The Most wonderful person in the World. Kind, Sweet, Loving, Caring, Gentle. Perfect in Every ways. The one you love for all your life.
Bilotheman (2010) Lori. loyal, honest, loving woman with a heart of gold. A very forgiving person. She will fool you though. She may seem like she is clueless, but she is on to everything therefore she is a very hard person to surprise. Loves humor and laughing.
Those words are not enough to describe you, my love.
You're my angel that came unexpectedly to my life. You are just a girl but one day when I woke up, I realized that you're my world. Darling, you're my everything.
Dear Lori, thank you for coming to my life..
-end-
