Haikyuu x Reader

It's Okay: Kozume Kenma

You didn't know what could be so important that your partner was awake until one in the morning on his laptop. He kept clicking the mouse and hitting keys, and it was only growing louder as he continued. Silence filled the air. Just when you thought he had been done, he shouted a curse word.

With a groan, you took the pillow from his side of the bed and threw it towards the desk in your shared room. "Kozume Kenma, I swear to god if I have to get up and turn your game off I will."

You could imagine the face he was making, mixed with annoyance and fear from waking you up. But he hadn't woken you; it was hard to do that when you had yet to get to sleep. He sighed, then you heard shuffling and the click of his laptop closing.

"I'm sorry, y/n." he mumbled while pulling the blanket back. He went to wrap an arm around you, but you huffed and turned away.

"It's well past midnight. If one of your games is so important that you won't sleep," you didn't bother to stop your eyes from rolling, "you get what I mean."

You could feel the bed shift as he turned away from you with another sigh. This had been the tenth night in a row that the two of you would go to bed upset with each other. Just thinking about it was debilitating. Without a second thought, you collected your pillow and some extra blankets and made your way to a spare bedroom, the room frigid with tension as you left. 

Making yourself comfortable on the bed seemed impossible. You were more awake now than you were earlier. Subconsciously, you even picked the side that you usually sleep on; damn brain. A choked gasp made you realize you had been silently crying. How did it end up like this? The two of you promised each other that you wouldn't go to sleep upset; it was in your vows for heaven's sake. Normally, you'd talk to each other about everything. But here you were. Ten nights in, without a single attempt to mend things.

Somehow, you managed to find sleep. Rolling over, you expected to see Kenma watching you, but he wasn't there. The reality of everything came back and hit you full-on. This made your mood instantly sour. After getting your slippers on, you made your way out to the kitchen. At least he had the decency to make enough coffee for both of you. As you passed the threshold into the kitchen, your eyes instantly met his. The bags under his meant he was just as tired as you were. Tearing your eyes from his, you went about your morning routine.

As you putter around, you felt his gaze following after you. It put you on edge. Whenever he did that, it meant he was working up the confidence to say something. The question was, what did he want to say? Was is it good, or bad?

With a mug cradled between your hands, you pressed your back into the counter. 

"We need to talk," you said simultaneously. Kenma looked pointedly at the chair across from him. Taking his silent cue, you made yourself comfortable and sat down. His hand reached across the table in search of yours, and when they met, you gave him a reassuring squeeze. His thumb started to draw patterns on the back of your hand as you took another sip of coffee.

"Y/N listen, I know--" he cut himself off, clearing his throat as a filler. You could pinpoint the exact moment he settled on how he was going to say what he wanted to. "I know you've been having a hard time lately with-," this time you cut him off.

"Don't say it. Please don't say it." you knew this was going to happen eventually... you just didn't want it to be now. Not yet.

"With Sara's death." to make sure you wouldn't run away from the conversation, he laced his fingers through yours and place his other hand on top of your conjoined hands. You looked down at your lap with watery eyes. "It's been hard for me too. She was thirteen years old and-and," he swallowed thickly, "God, I miss her so much. She was our first dog together. I just wish-," his voice cracked. "I wish you wouldn't blame me."

Finding the confidence to make eye contact once more, you found tears in his eyes. In seconds you were by his side, pulling him into a warm embrace.

"Hey, hey, hey." you cooed softly. It was hard to get anything else out of your mouth, but you knew you had to. "I don't blame you, I could have been the one to find her. She was old and had multiple health conditions. We knew that when we rescued her." licking your lips, you asked, "You don't- you don't blame yourself, do you?"

A pained expression won his features as a devastating sob escaped his lips. "If only I had gotten home an hour earlier like I was supposed to." Eyes wide with shock, you pulled his face into your chest; you had no idea he was going through this. You were so tied into your own self-loathing that you hadn't noticed how pained your husband was. Pressing your lips to his head, you closed your eyes. Your fingers tangled themselves into his hair and gently combed through it.

"I'm sorry Kenma." you whispered, "I should have been there for you."

Once you pulled away and opened your eyes, you saw his looking back at you through his lashes. "We made her happy, right? We gave her a good life?"

Pressing your lips to his forehead, you murmured, "Of course we did."

"I love you, y/n."

"I love you too, Kenma... I love you so much."

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I need u guys to know I'm starting a messaging thing for kenma (:

also I didn't mean to make this one sad :( it was originally supposed to be about how he got u addicted to a video game or something