Convergent

Chapter Two

Tobias

"Beatrice!" I wake gasping her name, and swing my legs over the side of the bed, I press the heels of my palms to my eyes, a drop of sweat rolls down my neck. It is the same as the night before and the night before that and the night before that, I can't sleep, she greets me whenever I close my eyes. It's Tris, but not my Tris.
My Tris is full of life, her cheeks are flush, with a determined jaw, her electric blue eyes demand attention, her small body full of power and love, her skin warms me with every touch, her kiss gives me courage. My Tris loves her family, and her faction, but most importantly Me, my Tris loves me.
This Tris is afraid, she is crying and begging, begging that I will come save her, crying out my name "Tobias! Where are you? I thought you loved me! Why aren't you here? Tobias!" She sobs and my heart sinks.
Then I see him and fury burns within me, David is pointing a gun at her. I can't let him hurt her, not again. I strain against the invisible force that's holding me back, "Beatrice!" I shout, but she can't here me, then I see his finger on the trigger I strain harder "BEATRICE" She just keeps sobbing, then I hear it, the gunshot, her scream.
"BEATRICE!!!" He fires again and again, each bullet hitting somewhere else on her small frame. She still proceeds to drag herself accrossed the floor, she types in the code and presses the button, successfully releasing the memory serum. She collapses on the floor and I am finally able to run to her, I almost wish I wasn't, this is the worst part of the nightmare.
She is soaked with blood. "Why weren't you there? You could have saved me! You could have saved me!" And then she is gone. That is the worst part, not her crying for me, not her getting shot, but the knowledge that I could have done something about it, that she didn't have to be dead.
It's just a bad dream. I reach out for her, for her comforting embrace, Tris should be lying next to me, her body warming mine with every touch. She should be here snuggling up with me in bed, she should be here to greet me in the morning with her sleepy smile. She should be here to kiss all the pain away. But she is not here, instead there is a cold bed where she should lay. The only time I see her is when my eyes are closed, but when I close my eyes I have to watch her die, over and over again. This is not my fear landscape, this is not a simulation, I can't manipulate the situation, as hard as I try she's still dead. It's all my fault. I should have been there to push the gun out of his hands, I should have been there to stop her bleeding, I should have been there... There's so much I never got to tell her, I never got to tell her just how much she means to me, I never told her enough, how much I love her.
I remember her once saying that if something ever happened to her I would be fine and move on. She has been dead for two years now,

I am not fine and I certainly have not moved on.