Convergent

Chapter Five

Tris

Two years. I have been in a coma for two years. She purses her lips and I can tell that's not the worst of it

"What is it-" I ask warily "What is it that you aren't telling me?

"Beatrice I..."

"WHAT AREN'T YOU TELLING ME?" I'd like to say that the anger in my voice surprises me- it doesn't. She closes her eyes muttering something I can't quite hear, her hands are clasped- I realize she is praying.

"Forgive me. Beatrice...They think...They think you are dead." A cold numbness surrounds me.

"Why-" I try to be calm and collected "would they think I'm dead?" She heaves a deep sigh

"They saw your body, you were in shock, no one knew, we thought you were dead. Once everyone said their goodbyes we took you here to run tests... and that is when we realized you were not dead, you had gone into a coma." Her words are so heavy I have to press my hands to my chest slightly rocking to relive the pressure, it doesn't help.

"It seemed very unlikely that you would ever wake up. We waited and waited weeks went by and still nothing, the entire time your heart was faintly beating and you showed brain waves, you weren't dead, but you weren't alive." A shudder goes throughout my body, not dead, but not alive.

"They finally decided that you were never going to wake up and wanted to go along with the cremation plans, but I wouldn't let them. They agreed to let you remain on this machine until somebody else needed it." They were going to pull the plug on my life. "To save your friends the pain of seeing you like this-"She sighs again "we found a body of a fallen Dauntless traitor...and cremated it and told everyone that it was you." I am at a loss for words, what they did...the evil of it...the pain they must have caused... I remember when I was here the first time, when Peter gave me paralyzing serum instead of the death serum, when Tobias saw him carrying my limp body and thought I was dead, the look of devastation in his eyes, and before, when he knew I would go to the Erudite headquarters, his hands were trembling, and our last moment together, his words "I love you too, I'll see you soon" echo in my head. Not soon enough. After those words I went out and got put in a coma, after those words he was told that I was dead. I have a brief memory of him while I was under, Tobias, he... he squeezed my hand, then fell to his knees sobbing. They broke him, and now they will pay.

"HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS-"I scream at the top of my lungs "I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIM! I WAS HIS FAMILY AND HE WAS MINE! AND NOW I'VE ABANDONED HIM TOO! HE WAS THE ONLY PERSON THAT TRULY LOVED ME!" She looks like I just punched her in the stomach I would be satisfied if under different circumstances. "Where is he?" My voice is a diamond, hard, and will not break. "Where is Four?"

"Beatrice, you haven't fully recovered-"

"Tell me where he is, or I swear to God you will regret it." My voice is ice cold.

"I don't know where he is. I haven't seen him since they saw your "dead" body; even then he didn't know I was there." Now my voice is steel.

"I don't believe that for a minute. Now. Where. Is. Four."

"Beatrice I-"

"WHERE IS HE?" She hesitates and looks at me, judging by her expression I look like I'm about to breathe fire.

"Abnegation-"She finally says "he is in his old house in Abnegation. But I wouldn't recommend-"

I unplug myself from the machine and shakily stand up; my mother's face is contorted with surprise. I don't wait for her to finish, I walk out of the room and don't look back.

***

How do you tell the people you love that you're not really dead? That question plays over and over again in my mind.

One thing's for certain though, I'm going to find Tobias first, there's so much I need to explain, and not just that, I need to see him again, the will to go on is a fire within me and without him the flame is going to die. I need to be able to stare into his dark blue eyes, I need to feel the warmth of his skin, I need his kiss, I need the comfort of his warm body, lying next to mine as I go to sleep, holding me close to his shoulder; his smell which reminds me of safety lulling me to sleep, and I need his love.

***

I keep my head down as I walk through Abnegation sector; I am exhausted and couldn't bear all the stares and whispers, these people believe I'm dead, and for one more night they will. I don't have a watch, but judging by the sky, it is about 7:00 at night. I can now see his house, adrenaline rushes through my veins and I walk a little faster; I don't want to seem in a hurry, the Abnegation have nowhere to go outside of church, work, and school, and judging by how many people are out, it is not Sunday. Two years I have been unconscious, I am now eighteen years of age; I am too old for school, but young enough not to have a job yet. So I must walk slow; making plans for ones amusement is considered to be self serving.

I am walking up his driveway; my heart is pounding so hard I think it might burst through my chest, My hand is on the knob, I am about to turn it, when I hesitate. It's been two years since he's last seen me, two years since he was told I was dead. What if he doesn't recognize me? Or even worse, what if he does recognize me, but doesn't forgive me for leaving him, doesn't forgive me for abandoning him? What if he's moved on, if he has settled down with someone else? He would be Twenty now, he may have somebody new, two years is a long time, and if he thought I was dead, why wouldn't he move on? That thought puts a sour taste in my mouth, He said he loved me, I know he's the only person I'll ever be able to love; what if I missed my chance? That's a chance I'm willing to take if it means I might be with Tobias again, and with that thought I open the door.

***

It is the same as I remember it, minus the factionless that crowded here last time. "Tobias-" I call "Tobias, it's me, Beatrice-" Nothing, maybe he's upstairs? I climb up, imagining he's carrying me to his bedroom, like the last time I was here.

"Tobias-" I call hesitantly from the top of the stairs, and hear nothing, so I proceed to his bedroom. I crack open the door, he is not here, my heart sinks. I see that the mirror is slightly showing from behind the sliding panel, and slide it out all the way. I stare at a girl in the mirror, but she can't be me. I am not as pale as a sheet, I do not have big circles under my eyes, I do not have greasy hair, and I do not have dried blood covering my shirt. I peel back my shirt, wincing slightly, and stare at my somewhat healed wounds. I have multiple bullet holes, caked in blood, to my torso. Just like my Mother. I shudder that thought out of my head, I can't think of her, not after what she did. I also have a bullet hold between my shoulder and neck, I should have died, but I'm still here.

***

I walk into the bathroom; I need to wash the blood off. That is when I see a towel hanging on the door; it is still damp.

Tobias was recently here. My heart skips inside my chest, he was here. I am going to see him again! Relief and exhaustion flood through me, I need to sleep. I wash my wounds, letting the cold water numb them, and put on one of his sweatshirts. Again I make my way towards his bedroom, this time I go in. My head is so heavy I can barely keep it upright; my eyes fall on his bed, his warm, soft, safe, bed.

I need sleep; I'll find Tobias when I wake.