Convergent

Chapter Tris- I mean Six

Tobias

Cara and Evelyn wait for me at the border; today we have a government meeting at the Bureau, I wish we didn't. I don't want to go back to that place, the place where Uriah was pronounced to be brain dead, the place where my nightmares began, the place that ripped out a part of me, the place where Tris died.

***

Cara approaches me first; I haven't seen her since we spread Tris's ashes.

"Hello Tobias"- I cut her off.

"Four."

"Four," She amends.

No one calls me Tobias, that was a special part of me reserved only for Tris- without her that part is dead, just like she is.

"ready to go see Johanna?"

We are going to meet our friend Johanna Reyes; leader of the Allegiant, and former mouthpiece of Amity. I nod.

"Let's go." Evelyn says while guiding me with her hand on the small of my back.

I gulp nervously, to help keep my nerves at bay Johanna is going to give me some of Amity's peace serum, which should, hopefully keep me calm and not thinking about Uriah or Tris.

I gulp nervously. It's not the serum I'm nervous about, no I am relieved to get all the hurt off my chest; even if it's only for a couple of hours. I'm nervous because I might see him. They say it's just to help keep me calm, just to help clear my head so I can be at my best for making decisions, but I'm not stupid. The real reason they're putting me on the serum is so I don't shoot David, so I don't lose myself in pain and grief and do something I will regret later, I know I would not regret it. David deserves to die. I still believe that, but it's like I once heard Tori say "I don't think of it as stopping, I think of it as waiting for an opportunity." an opportunity for revenge.

***

We meet her outside of Amity headquarters; she may not be their mouthpiece anymore, but they still respect her and all her authority. She is holding a syringe box; I am relieved to know that in a few minutes my pain will be gone, even though it will only be for a few hours.

"Johanna." She tilts her head in acknowledge to me.

"Tobias. How are you?"

"Four, and I'm... okay-"I lie so they don't worry "I'm doing...better. How are you?"

"That's-good, I'm fine; everything is good with the Allegiant." We stand in silence for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say.

"I guess it's time." I say slowly

"Yes, I believe it is." She says and with that we leave Cara and Evelyn and walk into Amity headquarters where the serum is being held. "Are you ready?" I nod, and I am ready, I am ready to be calm, I am ready to feel whole again, I am ready to momentarily forget the grief.

***

I sit on a stool and turn my head so she has a better view, and close my eyes as she eases the needle into my neck. At first nothing happens, and bitterness sweeps in; it didn't work, I'm stuck with the pain. Then all of a sudden I feel like the gate burst and relief, like water flows over me. Why was I angry? I can't remember, I can't remember! Why does it feel significant that I can't remember? Who cares! I'm happy, for the first time in a long while. My head is clear, like the crystal blue water at the bottom of the chasm; I am ready to face the Bureau.

"Four, how do you feel?" She says each word like there is a weight tied to it.

" Calm-" I say, and attempt to stand up, but fall back down while trying. "And a little dizzy."