The Moth

Chapter Thirty-Three: Days In Color// Familiar Eyes

****Note: Please read the author's note at the end! :)***

Chapter Thirty-Three: Days In Color// Familiar Eyes 

My phone beeped one day and I checked it, knowing what I was waiting for. Knowing I wasn't going to get it.

It was from my dad. I bit my lip and opened the message. Aaron would be staying over at Alex's house... don't worry about picking him up. He's carpooling. I let out a slow breath and tossed my phone aside. My gaze landed on my camera. I sighed. I hadn't been outside in a long time. But then... I didn't want to touch the camera either. A lump formed in my throat and I shook my head vigorously. We need bread. I'll just go get that instead.

I sighed and grabbed my keys and phone. Grocery store it is.

Twenty minutes later and I was walking through the aisles, tracing my finger along the edges of the shelves. Cinnamon rolls... hotdog buns... bread. White bread, the organic kind with seeds on top, or regular brown bread.

A disturbance in the aisle over made me frown. Someone was being too loud.

"Hey man, no."

"But you do!"

That was definitely Drew's response.

"No."

"Yeah you do. Admit it."

"Get lost. Grab the stupid brownie mix and let's go."

I frowned. The voice was rough and deep, but strangely familiar. Should I wait? I slid a couple loaves of bread into my basket and started walking towards the counter just as someone turned the corner.

My heart caught in my throat and I coughed from the sudden lack of air. A pair of familiar brown eyes met mine, looking right through before any sign of recognition.

"Hey!"

He grinned at me.

I waved, pushing the hair out of my face and ducking my head. I tried to keep walking but Lyon wasn't having it.

"How are you?"

"Alive." I set my jaw and watched him.

He blinked.

"Oh."

"I have to go." I slid past him, not waiting for an answer.

The months I spent waiting for him to come back to me. Unanswered messages, lonely nights... And this is how it happens. The few times he'd responded before were like breaths of fresh air. Drugs. One hit and I was fine for the next few weeks.

All I'd really wanted was for him to come back. Come home.

He finally sent a text later that day but I ignored it, turning my phone off instead. It shouldn't take a chance meeting to remember I exist. If he wanted to see me, he'd know where to find me.

That night, I couldn't sleep. My vision blurred and the ache in my chest returned. An ocean of sadness and I was drowning in it. A part of me wanted him to come back. He left this gap in my chest when he walked out that day, and no matter how long it'd been, he'd always fit back in so easily if he wanted to. But mom once said something like that, when she was cutting onions and wiping her eyes. She'd looked down at me and smiled, kissing my forehead.

"Sometimes people will leave you, and you'll know that no matter how long it's been, you'll always let them return." She sniffed. "That's why, sometimes it's better if they never do."

I wanted him back, but I wanted him gone. It wouldn't matter which way I finally chose because I knew I'd be ripped apart either way.

I stared at my window and sighed, sliding out of bed and going over to it. I wrestled the locks open and slid up the glass. Sticking one leg outside, I tested how the roof would hold up with my weight before continuing to bring out my other leg and the rest of my body. I'd have a better grip with just barefeet. I sat down and took off my shoes, throwing them back inside before scooting along the roof, leaning back against the wall beside my window. Curling up with my knees to my chest, I let my world blur all over again, fully feeling the knife in my chest.

The most painful feeling in the world is the waves of your tears fighting against your breath to come out and crash against your cheeks as you clench your teeth to keep from screaming. The needles under your cracking, glass skin tearing you apart from the inside out as you try to hold yourself together. The ache in your chest like it's being split in two, held together by one string that's being pulled tighter and tighter as the tension collects in your chest. And you close your eyes, and all you can feel is pain, and pain, and pain.

I sat outside until my eyes burned even as my tears kept flowing. And I longed for someone I'd missed since day one.

"Momma."

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PLEASE READ: 

A/N: My lack of a schedule seems to be just as bad as a terribly busy schedule. Hmm. Please hang with me as I try to figure my life out at the moment. I've been trying to make a ton of changes all at once and not all of them are easy. 

Even though I try to keep my personal life out of these just because I don't want to burden you all and I honestly don't think it's all that important enough and no one would care, I'll say this for now. 

Behavorial changes are hard. CHANGE is hard. And I've honestly had a hard time for the past year and a half, and my self-esteem is pretty crappy, but I'm trying really hard to fix it. (Being healthy/losing weight/acne, etc...) because I don't want to be in this position forever. But some of these things leave me drained, and I get headaches at the drop of a hat...which then means I'm down for the count for the rest of the day because my head is pounding. And of course, college life is up there too. Joy!

I know I haven't been doing very well with my regular schedule, so I'm changing the updating schedule. 

Updates will be EVERY FRIDAY. 

I'll try my hardest to maintain this schedule. If for some reason, I skip a day, I'll make it up to you, I promise. 

Thank you all for sticking with me! I really appreciate it! I'll try my best not to disappoint you all! 

~Love, 

Autumn.