"The medication we're giving you isn't enough for us to think you're safe by your self." The doctor tells me.
"Then what are you going to do? Make someone stay with me 24/7?" I ask wishing I could leave already.
"Well kind of but not in your own home. We are going to have to institutionalise you in a psychotherapy ward." I grip onto the edge of my seat.
"But you said that was an option and I didn't have to go unless I chose to." I don't want to go there. I can't.
"But this is only getting worse Astra. You aren't getting better. You're cuts are getting deeper, your suicide attempts and break downs are becoming more frequent. There are only so many panic attacks you can have until you going to hyperventilate and damage your brain. This isn't you, it's the depression but without us you won't get over it. But the depression isn't our only worry, you have a lot to get through." I shake my head.
"You can't make me go." I say harshly and he presses his lips into a thin line.
"But we can and we have to. I'm sorry, I know this is hard for you but you need this help." I stand to leave but two men come in and take hold of my arm.
"As our job, we can't deem you safe in society." I fight to get free of their grip and in the battle I hit one of the staff in the face. But they act like it didn't happen and take me to a car outside and inject me with something that almost instantly kicks in, bringing my limbs loose and my mind at rest. My body rag dolls and I pass out.
~~~
I wake up in a room with only the bed I lay on in it. I sit up dizzy and look around. A nurse comes in and hands me a drink of water and a small paper cup, the size of a shot glass. Inside is different kinds of medication, this isn't my usual dosage.
"Take this sweety, you will feel more relaxed." I put them in my mouth but under my tongue and swallow the water. I had intended to spit them out when she left but they start to dissolve in my mouth and I have to swallow them. I squint at the disgusting taste, "So you don't like swallowing pills? I'll take note of that. You can go to the lounge. Be careful of your arms." I look down and see they have bandaged my arms that had fresh cuts from this morning. I'm wearing a large black jumper with rolled up sleeves and fabric shorts. Although comfy I feel conscious of myself. I roll down the sleeves to cover my hands.
"Is this what everyone wears here?" I ask her she shrugs.
"Well we have clothes donated and we give out the ones without zips or anything that we couldn't let you wear. You're lucky you look cute in yours. Just be glad you're not in a straight jacket." My eyes widen at her slightly. Well okay then. She hands me some grey slippers socks, "You can wear these around the place." I slip them on and walk out the room looking for the lounge. When I reach the sitting room, I peer around and see people sat scattered around the room. I don't see any girls, only boys. I walk in and a few raise their heads to look at me. By their expression, they seem a little shocked at my presence. I walk over to an empty sofa and crouch in the corner holding my legs against my body. I want to go home, I don't belong here. Suddenly someone sits by me. His hair is faded blonde and messy. He looks tired but really cute.
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