Bts // One Shots

Hurt - Taehyung

A/N: TRIGGER WARNING ~

This chapter is about suicide. If you're triggered/upset by sensitive subjects such as this then I highly suggest you do not read this. I write this from personal experience and I'm not writing this to offend anyone. If you do however read this and find your self feeling triggered please just message me and I'll talk with you. If you ever feel suicidal or depressed and have no one you feel comfortable talking to then I am absolutely here to talk to if you think you can speak about it (I read things like that a lot but I'm serious if you need help).

Anyway, on with the story.

Ava's POV:

Tae has gone to a performance so I'm alone and will be for hours. It's times like this when I'm alone that I consider if this is finally the time. It's finally now, this is the right moment. I stand up from the bed I have been sitting on motionless for twenty minutes. I trace my nails down my forearm as I slowly make my way to the shower and turn on hot water. I strip down and stand in front of the mirror, judging every spec of myself. Once the mirror is covered by steam from the hot water, I get in the shower. I scrub at my skin and hair until my skin is red and scalp is sore. I stare at the tiles on the bathroom wall as images of Tae go through my head. I scrunch my eyes closed and wash my face. At first, the only thing that scared me about all this was hurting him but after so long the scariest thing to me is that chance I'll talk myself out of it and have to stay here forever. I get out, dab myself dry then go to my wardrobe and pick out a dress. I decide upon a short, black dress that I've never worn out. I glance towards my dressing table and look into the mirror. I need makeup. I sit on the stool and carefully pick out colours for my makeup. I spend a long time making my look perfect. I can't imagine it will stay perfect for long though. Once I'm done, I dry my hair and curl it. Finally finished I walk to my full length mirror and look at my self. I look like I'm going on a date. I look at myself displeased, I just never look quite right. I take a breathe to try and slow my heart rate that I've not been able to keep steady. The thoughts going around my head have got my adrenaline high. I'm shaking and the more I focus on it, the worse it gets. I go to my makeup draw and open a small box. Inside is a broken razor. I'd snapped off the plastic that covers the corners of the blade so even the slightest touch to the skin draws blood. Before I close the draw I get out the letter I wrote for Tae. I look at it and hold onto it tightly till my fingers go white. When I put it on the top of the desk I see little indentations my nails made in the paper. As I walk to the bathroom I scratch at my hands nervously.

"Okay, okay." I say to myself as I climb into the empty bathtub. My heart pulses so much it hurts, I can visibly see my chest slightly pulsating. I take another strong breath and let it out. My body is shaking like I'm freezing. I hold the blade in my fingers. I bring it across my finger and little beads of blood appear at my finger tip. I rub my thumb over it, wiping it away. "You can do it." I say to my self. "It will only hurt for a while." I say preparing. I bring the blade next to the inside of my forearm and look at it. It's so close. With one more breathe, I tense my jaw and push the blade into my skin. I start to drag it, length ways down my arm and I'm shocked at how hard I have to push it. I take it from my arm again but notice I hardly brought it as far as I thought. Tears fall down my cheeks as I cry. I try to be quiet but my quick breaths turn into sobs. The pain is not what I'd expected. It hurt a lot but only as I was cutting, once I pulled the blade away the pain is almost non existent. I bring the blade to my skin again but this time I drag it all the way down, stopping only a few inches from the bend in my arm. I look at it as blood dripping down my arm and off my elbow. I do another cut over the top of it to make it deeper and this hurts more than the first time, I squint in pain. For the first time in a long time I'm not numb, I'm actually sad. It feels real.

Now... the next arm.

Taehyung's POV:

The show finishes, the guys and I are changing our clothes in the changing rooms. Once in my normal clothes I get my phone and call Ava. Holding the phone to my ear it rings and rings and rings and reaches voice mail. Strange. I know she's not a fan of phone calls but she at least usually answers to me. I try again and hope she just didn't hear it the first time but it rings off again. I get a tight, nervous feeling in my chest. Something just feels wrong. My heart is beating hard. She only missed a couple phone calls but it's more than that, the feeling is very strong.