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There was something about making yourself vulnerable, Camilla thought. It put you in a position to feel afraid because you were no longer hidden. You were naked and the person was shining a light on your body; able to see every flaw, crease and curve. At least that was how she felt.
She and Storm had both moved to her sofas, where it was far more comfortable. He'd expressed that he wasn't forcing her to tell him anything, he was just worried that alcohol would be her constant solace after this and he wanted to help. And Camilla – she didn't really know what she wanted. But she did want to tell somebody she could trust so that the weight was finally off of her shoulders. Perhaps he could help?
She faced him on the sofa, cross legged. "A lot happened in New York," she started with. "I went there for a job, you know that, but it was harder than I had expected. A lot harder. I didn't think that I would struggle with adjusting so much but I think, because I was so far away from everybody that I felt ridiculously home-sick. I'd go work and then just come back home straight away. It was a tiresome pattern. But then I met someone – his name was Jake. I thought he was attractive and funny and we shared a few interests; like law. But I wasn't prepared to start dating so I didn't pursue it, yet he did. He'd give me flowers whenever he saw me, he'd sweeten me up and one night we ended in bed together."
Camilla couldn't look at Storm then. She knew she had to let it all out before she took in his reaction, which was something she wasn't used to. Considering her choice of profession, looking at people right in the eye was pretty much in the guide lines.
"I don't know what I thought would happen after that but he'd come round and we'd have sex. Except it'd always be late at night, like I was just there for sex and by the morning he would be gone. Every time. And it would hurt, but I never really said anything to him. We didn't know anything about each other so perhaps, it was for the best. Until I got pregnant,"
She looked up then and noticed the way Storm's brows were burrowed together closely, as was his back that portrayed a lot of tension; anger perhaps. But he reached out and grabbed her hand that was twisted in her lap and placed it in his, rubbing it and simultaneously encouraging her to continue.
This was the part that she'd been afraid to talk about because she was ashamed. So damn ashamed. "When I found out I was pregnant, I went to the doctors to confirm it and I told myself that day that I wasn't going to get an abortion, even though I got an information booklet on it. It was hard, because as much as I wanted to keep the baby, I was scared. What would I tell my family, Storm? That I'd been having sex with a stranger, allowing him to use me as a form of just fucking and that he'd got me pregnant? But I told him I was pregnant, because no matter what, he had a right to know,"
She paused for a few seconds and Storm squeezed her hand, "It's okay."
Camilla returned his smile of reassurance, "I yelled it over the phone to him and cut off, so he came back drunk and tried it on with me. I'd been avoiding him for weeks, since I found out I was pregnant and I guess that sealed it for me. He was drunk, how could I raise a child with someone who couldn't act like an adult and he was insistent that he couldn't be a father, because he had his entire life ahead of him." And that's when I proposed the idea of an abortion. That's when I suggested it and he agreed with it. That's when I sealed my fate. But then, why couldn't she admit it? She hadn't realised until this very moment that regardless of how much she hated Jake, she was the one to blame at the end of the day.
