Sensibilities | Deetranada AU

vacillation

    (A/N: Trigger Warning - There will be a permanent trigger warning for the rest of the book. The rest of the book may include brief mentions of negative speech about self-harm, self-harm, depressive language, and violence. Sections included any of the following will be noted with centered bold stars should you choose to skip it. Enjoy!)  

Continuous

(Nova POV)

Nova tosses his basketball in the air, catching it as it falls back down. He does it autonomously, his mind and body numb. Outside of his room, he hears Noah scream happily, his footsteps pattering through the hallway. He pauses, grabbing his headphones to silence the rest of the world.

He sits in silence, letting his heartbeat be the music as he spins the basketball around on his finger. Back here. Again. He hears his phone ding, looking to the side. The basketball falls and hits him in the chest. He brushes off the pain, picking up his phone to see a message from Latto. It reads: Hmu.

He quickly dials her, waiting for her to answer. 'So the phone do work, huh,' she says, slowly, the murmur of a television in the background. Here we go. 'I already tried callin' her, she ain't answer.' 'Nah, you should've went and tried to find her instead of letting her run 'round the whole city tryna avoid you.' He grits his teeth.

'I'm not tryna do this shit tonight, Lyssa,' he grumbles. 'Nah, don't Lyssa me now, should've bee--' He lets out a disgruntled sigh and she stops. 'Whatever, look man,' she begins. 'I just wanted to tell you she home, she sleep.' The feeling starts to return in his body at the news. 'Is she okay?' 'Fine as she can be right now.'

'Did she sound okay, like she was good?' he questions, trying to remain calm. 'She was sad but not as sad as before,' she replies. 'You sure? Is she by herself?' Latto sucks her teeth, 'Mane, she right here, I been here since she got back.' A wave of relief washes over her. Thank God. He hesitates, willing himself to ask. 'Can you tell her I called?' 'Hell nah!' she yells, her response not far from what he anticipated. 'You wanna talk to her, you figure it out.'

He nods despite her not being able to see him. She hangs up without a goodbye, his numbness slowly starting to resume.

*********

The Next Afternoon

(Dee POV)

Dee scribbles in her journal, the fifth consecutive page overflowing with emotions. Beside her, her phone lights up, the twelfth notification from one of her friends checking on her. She drops her pen, finally checking her messages. In that list, Nova is nowhere to be found. She scrolls through them, double checking for his name but not finding it. Of course.

She drops her phone, exchanging it for her watch, unclasping it and slipping her finger underneath to touch the raised skin bringing back unforgettable memories. She pushes it away before she can begin to recall them, putting her face in her hands. It's fine, you're fine, everything's fine. She takes a deep breath in, holding it for a second, another, a third. his voice enters her head, 'One more time.' Her body attempts to sob but it gets caught in her throat.

She struggles to take another deep breath, screaming in her head to drown out his voice. But the whispers continue, filling her head with more doubts. He just apologized to sleep with you. If he meant it, he would be here right now. That's how you know he lied, he didn't even bother calling you. 'No, no,' she says quietly. 'That's not true.' It is, just call and see.