Sensibilities | Deetranada AU

enervated

(A/N: Trigger Warning - There will be a permanent trigger warning for the rest of the book. The rest of the book may include brief mentions of negative speech about self-harm, self-harm, depressive language and violence. Sections included any of the following will be noted with centered bold stars should you choose to skip it. Enjoy!)

Continuous

Dee looks up at Nova, his eyes opening at her movement. She can feel herself start to crack, the words caught in her throat. He wipes a tear from her eyes, gently kissing her cheek. She sighs deeply, starting to speak.

'When everything happened,' she begins. 'Before we moved, Myra...me and Myra-- ugh, she didn't...' She takes another deep breath, willing away the emotions. Just spit it out, it's the only way you'll get it out. She breathes in and out slowly, letting the feel of his hand rubbing her back comfort her.

She closes her eyes, forcing it out. 'That night, I called Myra and asked her to come over. I wasn't sure if I was gonna do it or not and I didn't know...' She pauses, the tears slowly falling. She wipes them away, continuing. 'I just thought maybe she'd come.'

He rubs her back, as if coaching her through her confession. 'She hung up. Said she was tired of carryin' dead weight.' She keeps going, afraid that if she stops she won't be able to stop crying. 'Then, when she came before I left,' she starts, pausing. She tilts her head back, breathing slowly to reduce the rush of emotions. 

'She acted like I never called her, like it was a surprise I tried to do it.' She looks down, rubbing the face of her watch. 'And I forgave her. Again.'  She feels his hands ball into fists, his body stiffening. She looks up at his clenched jaw and looks back down. 'Please don't be mad at me,' she whispers. 'I'm not mad at you babygirl,' he says quietly, a tightness is his voice she hasn't heard before. 'I'm pissed that you had to deal with this.' 

He looks down at her, his face softening as he stares into her eyes. 'I'm so sorry, babygirl,' he says, caressing her face to wipe excess tears. 'It's not your fault,' she whispers. 'It's mine. I sat there and trusted her after everything she did, everything she said.' The door chimes and an older couple enters, murmuring to one another as they walk arm in arm.

She takes a deep breath, moving her legs from his lap and sitting up straight. She wraps her hands around her drink, letting the warmth of the cup warm her. She takes a small sip, comfortable with his arm loosely around her waist.

'Before she left,  she had the nerve to say somethin' 'bout my scars, like she won't part of the reason why.' She feels her anger rising, her initial sadness foregone for a more formidable emotion. Such a stupid bitch. Should've fucked her up when she said that stupid shit. No...no. You're better than that.

'You can't control other people babygirl,' he begins. She closes her eyes, letting his words fill her. 'Whatever she dealin' with, she gotta figure it out on her own. All you gotta do is keep bein' you. Don't let what her or anybody else say get to you.' She remains silent, feeling the tears trying to force themselves from her closed eyes.

His hand touches her face, gently lifting her face to his. She opens her eyes, letting them fall freely as she takes in his caring expression. 'I don't ever wanna see you cry over anybody else again.' She slowly nods, looking down at his hand rather than his eyes. He's just sayin' that. 'Diamond,' he whispers. 

She shivers at the sound of her name being said with so much love. She looks back at him, the pounding of her heart slowing. ''You're too much of a beautiful person to let anybody else bring you down.' As his lips press into hers, her fears melt away, her tears disappear and the safety of being loved and comforted surpasses everything else. 'Thank you, Juli,' she murmurs, snuggling into his chest. 'Anything for you, babygirl.'