BLAKE

Chapter 26

I'm standing in the bathroom, looking at my sore body in the mirror. 

It was hard for me to bring myself to go to school today but I had to. I already missed school so many times this year, I need to keep my grades up. 

After John beat me last night, I had no choice but to wear long sleeves and the fabric kept rubbing against my wounds causing me to suffer all day long. It was a relief to take my clothes off as soon as I got home. 

This time my wounds are deep, John made me pay for telling my mother about what he does to me. He kept whipping me with his belt again and again, until my body was bleeding, until I was exhausted from crying and screaming. 

I've been staring at myself for hours, tears dripping down my face as I stare at his handiwork. John is a monster and I'm stuck with him. He's the gloomy artist and I'm his masterpiece. He can do whatever he wants to me, he can mark my body as desired and no one will ever see it. 

I'm too afraid of telling anyone. 

He's right, he's a powerful man and he knows so many people, no one would ever believe me and if someone did, John would probably pay them. Or worse, he would kill me. 

I'm a coward.

I think my biggest flaw is to look like my mother. 

Would he touch me if I wasn't the spitting image of my mother? I keep asking myself. I'm sure she refuses to give herself to him for a long time now, I heard them fight a lot because of that, but John is a rich man, he could have all the girls he wants so why me if not because I look just like her?

I liked him at first, as a child. He was always nice to me, always caring. Why would he do this to me?

Why did he do this to me?

Does it feel like a simple thing for him to break me more and more each time? Doesn't he feel a shred of remorse sometimes when looking at himself in the mirror? Can he sleep at night knowing what he just did to me?

Of course he can.

I'm the only one suffering. 

I'm so sick of this life, I just...

I just want to die, I want to end this suffering. 

Who would miss me anyway? 

Maybe Jen and Joane or even maybe Tom but I'm sure they would forget me in no time. 

I would forget me if I were in their shoes. I'm just the lonely girl who never wants to go out, who never wants to have fun, who always seems so distant. I bet they're tired of begging me to go out with them.

My mother... She should be proud to have a daughter like me, I mean doesn't every mother want their child to have the best grades? To be respectful? To never get in trouble? 

Am I not enough for her? What did I do to make her hate me so much? Why doesn't she want to love me? 

She would be so happy if I died.

All these months, I kept looking on the bright side, I kept telling myself that I would get out of here soon but the truth is I can't go on like this until I graduate. I just can't. 

I'm too tired, exhausted.

I think the worst part is that no one will ever understand why I did such a thing. 

Why a perfect girl like me would end her life, alone in her bathroom while she has everything a girl could want? 

I could leave a note explaining all the horrible things my so called parents have done to me but there's no doubt they would burn it when they would find my lifeless body.  Then they would tell the world how devastated they are and how much they're gonna miss me.