[✓] LOVING HIM ━ tk.

[UN] life

KIM TAEHYUNG

waking up to a new day felt like hell coming upon me once again. i lifted myself off of the bed and walked out the door to the bathroom. i just stood there, not knowing what to do. for some reason, maybe i had some brain freeze but i shook it off and brushed my teeth. honestly, i had white pearls but no one cared about it. sighing, i looked at myself in the mirror and once again.. lost the confidence i held inside.

i was a heavy, worthless, fat and ugly guy. to top it all off, i was gay. being gay wasn't bad, but for me it was. everyone might not laugh at the lgbt community at school, but they do laugh at the fat kid.

and i, kim taehyung, was the one and only fat kid.

it was 2017. everyone cared about their looks, and how much they weighed. i did, but i guess i never really wanted to change anything about it.

every time i went to the doctor's office— they would just sigh and nod, "you're obese, taehyung."

they always fucking asked what i ate, how much i ate, but they never asked how i was feeling. was i bullied? was i feeling depressed because of my weight? those questions remained to be never asked.

again, i would have to speak up for myself. my mom quit going to the doctors two years ago after being sick and tired of hearing about my weight problems. and as you can see, that just proved how many people stuck by me.

and that's the ironic part.

because, no one did.

i swallowed and breathed in slowly. i wish the walls could close on me and i could disappear. it's not like anyone would care, they would just probably make a dumb joke of how much room they have in the classroom because i'm gone. and what's bad about that is that i wished it happened. god, please. i never had the courage to pick up a blade and slide it against my wrist. but, i do have the courage to pick up a gun and pull the trigger to my forehead.

because.. there's no pain after the first shot.

you're dead, lying on the floor. i'm so done with all the pain i'm going through. it's to the point where i'd rather be starving instead of being so.. fat. i wish i was dead, so i couldn't feel a damn thing.

anything.