I Don't Need Your Help - shizaya (completed)

Chapter 25

Some deep stuff yet again
Izaya's pov

"Okay" is all I can say to Shizuo, I can't tell him what's wrong, he'll think I'm crazy and leave me!

I wish I could just be happy! I have what I want, I have Shizuo, so why do I feel so depressed?!

I just want to feel happy again, like I use to. Maybe I'm not supposed to ever be happy...

I hate feeling like this! I can't take it anymore. 

I look over to Shizuo to see him fast asleep. I get out of bed and walk to the living room.

I sit down on the sofa and pull the blanket over myself. I stare at the floor deep in thought for a few minutes until I see something.

A knife.

It must have been the one I had earlier. That just reminds me of how upset I made Shizuo... I should probably go and put it back in the drawer before he sees it.

I get up from the sofa and leave the blanket there.  As I pick up the knife, and I get a feeling of relief for a few seconds, before I feel depressed again.

I want to feel that way again. I need to feel something other than sadness. I walk over to the bathroom, not even bothering to shut the door, I'm too focused on the knife.

I put the knife to my arm, not even thinking about the  result, I cut a large gash into my arm, and I do it another five times feeling more relief with each gash.

My arm is covered in blood, and so are the white tiles that cover the floor. I can't think straight! I feel a bit light headed and my knees buckle,

I fall to my knees making a hell of a bang as I  land  in the pool of blood that's covers about four of the tiles. My arm doesn't look like it's going to stop bleeding anytime soon.

I can hear foot steps and my name being called, but I'm to focused on trying to stop the blood that's flowing from the cuts on my arm. I'm realising what I've just done and regret it.

I hear a gasp, I turn my head to see Shizuo standing in the doorway  crying and shouting. I can only just work out what he's saying.

" oh my god Izaya why?!" He runs over to the towel rack and grabs a towel. He runs over to me still crying, he grabs my arm and wraps the towel around it to stop it from bleeding.

"I.. I'm sorry... Shizuo... I've upset you... again" I say with all the energy I can muster. He hugs me tightly and puts his head on my shoulder.

"What? No no I should have kept a closer eye on you, definitely after what happened today! Its my fault Izaya I'm so sorry Izaya I'm so so sorry!" He cries  into the crook of my neck.

" it's my fault.. Shizuo you can't blame yourself for something I did I-"

" lets bandage up your arm okay? I need to see how deep the cuts are"

Shizuo helps me to my feet and we sit down on the sofa. He gets some bandages out of the first aid box in the cupboard.

" okay I'm going to move the towel now" he says. I'm too weak to say anything so I just nod.

He moves the towel which seems to have stopped the bleeding. These cuts are deep. Deeper than any ones I've done before.

" I'm sorry Shizu-"

" don't be it's my fault for not looking after you" he says.

"But-"

" Izaya, I love you and I should be able to see when your upset, I need to look after you"

" I love you.." I tell him.
" I love you too" he says back.

Timeskip

After Shizuo bandaged my arm up I changed out of my bloody clothes and got into some new ones.

I walked into the bedroom and lie down next to Shizuo.
Shizuo puts one arm around my chest and under my armpits, and his other arms around my hips.
"Shizuo-"

"I'm not gonna let's go, not until I know your not gonna leave again"
He holds on tighter so that my backs to his chest.

" shizuo I'm not gonna leave again. I'll wake you up if I want to get up" I try and convince him but he doesn't what to listen. We fall asleep not long after that.