EvanMann: You wanna meet? :) If you don't want to, then it's fine. I could wait. :)
CagedBird: Sure!
EvanMann: We could arrange that later. How about a live cam? :) I wanna see your beautiful face :) and maybe your hot bod? :)
Nawala bigla yung ngiti ko. Yung feeling na akala mo ayun na, okay na, kikiligin ka na, pero ang ending nganga. If Tyrone was here he would just roll his eyes at me and scold me for being stupid.
But he's not here.
CagedBird: Go fuck yourself. :)
Pagka-send ko nung message, nag-signout na ako sa dating site na yun at napatulala na lang ulit. Wala na talagang pag-asa sa mga dating sites na 'yan.
Buti wala rito si Tyrone, walang tatawa sa pinaggagawa ko.
He's been gone for a month. With no texts, calls or notes, he flew to America without telling me. Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng confrontation-slash-confession nung nakaraan, hindi siya nagparamdam nun ng ilang linggo.
It was the third week of his absence nung nalaman ko kay tita Minerva na nasa America siya at magtatagal raw siya doon.
That was the moment I knew I had to stop waiting for him. Obvious naman na napagod na yung tao sa kahihintay sa akin. 18 years raw, sabi niya. But really, everything he said to me still feels like a bomb. Hindi ko akalaing totoo yung mga simpleng hinala ko na pilit kong dine-deny noon.
Now that I have found out it was true that he has feelings for me, I never got the chance to tell him that, somehow, I feel something for him too. Sabi ko pa noon na sa pagbalik na lang niya.
Pero ang selfish ko naman nun, kung gagawin ko yun. Hindi pa nga ako sure sa nararamdaman ko tapos sasabihin ko sa kanya yun after he came back?
Parang ang gago ko lang kasi, hindi pa rin ako sure kung may feelings ba talaga ko sa kanya or attached lang talaga ako sa bestfriend ko.
Even if my friends are telling me to go out with new people, hindi pa rin mawala sa akin yung mga sinabi ni Tyrone. He was my best friend, and forgetting what happened and acting like it's okay were the hardest things to do.
Isang buwan na siyang walang paramdam, at hindi ko ma-explain kung ano ba ang real score namin. Dinaan ko na lang sa pakiramdam ang lahat. Kung masaya ba ko or malungkot without him, araw-araw kong pinapakiramdaman ang sarili ko.
I felt nothing, and that was way worse than feeling something.
Sapat na yung isang buwan na para makuha ko yung message niya. Waiting would be pointless, lalo na kung napagod na talaga siya. Pinagpatuloy ko lang yung buhay ko. May mga konti nga lang na pagbabago.
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