To The Stars//Jeff Atkins ↠ 13 REASONS WHY

Mp3.file14_Favorite_Part_of_Loving_You

Let's go to an amusement park, he said. Let's eat funnel cake and run around in the sun while we laugh at our own terrible jokes. Let's tell people we are secret spies pretending to be a wine tasting couple with him using his fake ID of course. Let's sing songs together.

That's exactly what we did while we were here. Everything was a bright happy color, from the light poles to the benches to the garbage cans to the t-shirts of the employees who look like this might not actually be the happiest place on Earth.

And here we were at the Ferris wheel watching the Sunset from one of the best day's of my life. This would be one day I know I would replay every day.

"Did you have fun today?" Jeff asked as we both couldn't peel our eyes from the sun casting its golden rays down upon the clouds of billowing smoke, turning them bright red; fire red.

We were at the top of the Ferris wheel, the musical roar of the Carnival dimmed around us.

"I did have fun today!" I grinned as I turned to Jeff who was starting back. Our eyes being the window into both our souls, we were both lost, confused, and sensitive.

Lost, not knowing what to do in our current situation.

Confused to see if we should pursue our relationship any further than being friends.

Sensitive to how the other would feel about the other situation.

But at this moment, we were just appreciating it. When we reached the pinnacle of the rotation as the carriage opposite us stopped to exchange passengers. I pulled in a deep, clean breath. For one moment everything seemed so clear, so full of potential. My heart was begging me to move forward with being with him...but the instinct of not being too close to him was tearing me apart.

"Did you have fun?" I asked back.

"I always have fun when I am around you," he replied.

I knew my cheeks were turning kissed pink like a spring rose. I tried to look away to find a distraction somewhere else. But he didn't allow that.

He reached over to pull my face in the alignment of his. As hard as he tried to keep his eyes off my lips, he couldn't, which fully exposed how he really was feeling and what he was planning to do. He slowly started to glance up and down, eyes to lips, and doing so he couldn't help but slowly and patiently fall closer and closer to me. He was taking his time because he knew he only had one chance to make it right. Right before he reached my lips he stopped, as if there was any chance of turning back now. He stopped, maybe waiting to see if I would make the final move, but once he realizes I wasn't, he lowered in and planted the perfect kiss.

Just a perfect first kiss, awkward and slimy. Jeff's strong arms wrapped around my body as he leaned down towards me. The softness of his mouth surprised me. His warm breath, spiced with the scent and crisp sweetness of the powdered sugar we both ate, rushed across my senses and threatened to steal my own breath away. There will be time enough for permanency, time enough for latching souls and talks of futures that exist outside of this Ferris wheel, this kiss.

The wheel shuddered to life, pulling forward, and then down. As we sank toward the ground. As we descended I grew heavier, the fog of music and noise enveloping me, dropping me back into reality....

At long last, we both drew apart and looked at each other. I shivered with the loss of his body heat, even in the enrapturing warmth of the summer night.

"Wow," he whispered, "That was amazing..."

"That was my first kiss..." I muttered.

"I'm glad I took it and I don't think I can let anyone experience a kiss like that from you," Jeff stated.

"Jeff...I-I can't" I said getting up from the Ferris Wheel and walking away from him.

What started as walking away briskly turned into running away quickly. At this moment, I just wanted to run. I just wanted to run away from the bad feelings faster than a teenage runaway fleeing from the cops in the heat of the night. And I was so afraid of losing the good feelings that I prevented myself from feeling them at all.

You probably are hearing or reading the aforementioned sentence collectively shudder...but my instinct is strong on this, I just didn't know why my mind was fighting with my body on this one...always running away from him...in fear of being close to him.