To The Stars//Jeff Atkins ↠ 13 REASONS WHY

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You're probably expecting that my MP3 files be filled with those classic heart breaks and difficulties, with the occasional Friday night dates, vanilla sex, sweet sunset talks, hot coffee in the morning, good music, and good company. And somehow, that is everything...but in fact, has dealt with more confusion and poor decision, am I correct?

But you will never come to realize that when you have your heart wanting something and your mind telling you something, you are conflicted. 

Something I was trying to avoid from the beginning has been at the pinnacle of my mind for the past two months. With the semester done, no work...all I can do was think about this.

Two months ago, I had lost my first kiss to a guy that has been so determined to be with me and I had the choice to move onwards with it...but my fear came in.

Now, here I am walking through the local market meandering through the movie, music and book section just to explore and see what was there. Under normal circumstances, my body always lingered in the romance section, a genre I love reading about with curiosity that bordered on genuine passion.

And true to my normal rituals, I find myself sighing over the long line of unoriginal dime novels, their synopses outlining the tried-and-true method of romance storytelling – boy meets girl, boy loses the girl, boy gets the girl back...kind of like my life, only I am the reason he is always losing me.

Nevertheless, the issues that the characters face are dramatized and, subsequently, uninteresting, and the author's two-dimensional characters make it hard for me to connect with them...hence my situation. 

As easy it is to break down a love story, it isn't as easy to break it down in real life. Just by hanging out with Jeff and going on those dates with him I know that Relationships can be horrifically messy and convoluted, sometimes unintentionally. Relationships can also be uneventful but lead to intense self-discovery. There are a million and one ways a relationship can be experienced, and narrowing it down to just a small number of mainstream ways is unhelpful for people who want to learn about love. Relationships can be all these wonderful things, and we're only really getting a small margin through small text bounded by a thread and string.

I pulled out a copy of a book that seemed interesting to read and went to purchase it. 

I walked out the store down the road towards my house, appreciating the Christmas weather. The air is frozen lace on my skin, delicate and cold, like winter waves on shallow sand. The sky is washed with gray, watery light illuminating thin patches to brilliance.

Christmas is told to be the most wonderful time of the year. It might be true for some, but for others, it can be a different story.

I was too busy listing off the friends and having my head in the clouds that I didn't even know where I was going.

That was when I noticed a pair of sneakers on the ground as the street lights shining was blocked out. Ever so slowly I looked up at the person in front of me and swallowed hard at the figure that made me stop.

"Montgomery..."

"Hey Rose," he started.

"Hey Montgomery," you replied with a small smile.

Standing in front of me with his towering height, my arms felt heavier than before as I stared at him, scanning his whole appearance. Judging from the lack of shopping bags, I assumed that he just was walking around--probably looking for fresh 'meat'.

"It was nice seeing you," I replied walking off, desperate to get away from him.  

But to my least surprise, I felt his hand grip my wrist, halting my movements.