Connor Murphy Imagines

Connor Murphy x Reader: I Am Damaged (Warning: Mentions of explosions, suicide.)

You and Connor had gotten used to the scenes you shared, from the sexual to the genuinely fucked up. But nothing could have prepared you for this. Today you and Connor were rehearsing I Am Damaged, the number where JD kills himself. Connor didn't seem worried about it, but you were deeply concerned.

Zoe had told you that Connor tried to commit suicide the beginning of last year, but you never brought it up. I mean, the past is the past, right? No point in bringing it up. You two took center stage, and started the scene. They went from the end of the Dead Girl Walking Reprise, where Veronica shot JD.

Connor crouched down, almost examining you. "I am damaged," cruely ironic, isn't it? That JD is singing about being damaged and Veronica literally shot him. Hahaha... "Far too damaged, but you're not beyond repair." You were currently holding the, "bomb," that Connor dropped when you shot him. Not literally of course, but onstage.

He gave you a sad smile. "Stick around here. Make things better, 'cause you beat me fair and square." You were confused, until he stood up, the bomb in his hands. "Please stand back now," you stood up. Connor almost shooed you away. "Little further." He looked down at the bomb. "Don't know what this thing will do." You took a step or two back.

He looked back up at you, the same sad smile on his face. "Hope you'll miss me," the horrified realization just began to bloom on your face. "Wish you'd kiss me. Then you'd know I worship you." A tear fell down his face. "I'll trade my life for yours." The realization finally hit your face, causing a tear to sting your eye. "Oh my God-"

"And once I disappear," you put your hand out to him, silently willing him to stop. "Wait hold on-" "Clean up the mess down here." "Not this way!" You nearly shouted. "Our love is God." He took a step back. "Our love is God." He took another step back. "Our love is God, our love is God." He took a final look at you. "Our love is God."

He could hear you get choked up when you sang the last line.

"Say hi to God."

You jumped back as the explosion sounded, and the stage lights went out.

As the show went on, Connor grew to resent the scene more and more. Why? Because you would always look so heartbroken, and he hated to see you cry. After about the third time you rehearsed it, Connor asked you why you were so heartbroken during the scene, and why it seemed so genuine.

You sighed. "I know what happened Connor." He looked at you, confused. "What do you mean?"  You shook your head slightly. "It was the first week of school, right? The one day that pushed you over the edge and made you decide that your life wasn't worth living anymore?" He was shocked. "How did you-"

"Maybe I seem so heartbroken because it makes me afraid that you'll try again. You always seem so comfortable with this scene, blowing yourself up so many times, so do you," You contemplated your next words, not wanting to set him off. "Do you welcome the thought?" It was silent for a minute, neither of you knowing what to say.

"Of course no-" You became more frantic. "And what if I say or do something wrong? What if I'm the reason you try to kill yourself?" Tears began to stream down your face, and you almost regretted bringing this up at all. "I don't want to loose you..." Connor didn't catch what you said, and he furrowed his brows.

"What?" You glared up at him. "I said I don't want to loose you, you fucking idiot!" You screamed, your words coming out faster and faster, less and less thought going into them. You didn't know why you were swearing and screaming. He didn't do anything to you. "I don't- I don't..." Your voice trailed off, and you stared at the ground, letting the tears fall.

He wasn't sure how to respond, but he tried to come up with something smart. "Hey." His voice was gentle, and he put a finger under your chin. You looked up at him. "I know it was stupid of me to think that killing myself would make things better." A smile came to his face. It was small and sad, but it was still there.

"But now I've got you, and that's all I've ever needed." You hugged him, and you held on  like he was going to disappear if you didn't hold on as tight as you possibly could. Your whole body began to shake, and the tears just kept flowing. He held on to her, and the fact that she was this worried about him made him feel horrible. But at least someone cared about him for once.

The two of you stood there for a while, until she was finally able to speak. "I'm glad you're not dead." He laughed slightly.

"Me too."

So here's a rundown of how Heather's went from Connor's point of view:

Beautiful- He loved that you completely got to roast Jared (He's great at being a massive dick.) and the quick costume chance always amazed him. THOSE VOCALS GO BABE.

Candy Store: Go Zoe!

Fight For Me: He got to have a fight scene with Jared. Life is good.

Freeze Your Brain: His little moment, he was happy to have. It was a good song too, so...

Big Fun: The nervousness always got to him a little bit, but the thought it was funny to watch.

Dead Girl Walking: Hot girlfriend on top of me holy shit.

Me Inside of Me: The vocals were good, and Brooke was great as Heather Chandler.

Blue- Did he really like Jared and Evan flirting with you? Did he like that things got kinda touchy feely? Also no. But was he happy he got to kill both of them, hell yes!

Blue Reprise- He thought the song itself was funny, but the fact that he had to see you cry killed him.

Our Love is God- Although he got to kill Jared and Evan, but the concept is pretty fucked up, he'll admit.

My Dead Gay Son- Everyone ships Micheal Mell and Jeremy Heere, so that was fun. Plus seeing them in mustaches was hilarious.

Seventeen: He only wanted to tell you it would be okay, but he couldn't. It broke his heart every damn time.

Shine A Light: He hates Heather Duke, and the girl who plays her is such a sweetheart! What the fuck!?

Lifeboat: Go Zoe! He hated seeing his sister cry, but she killed it on an emotional standpoint. (He might have cried a few times... only a few!)

Shine A Light Reprise: He still hates Heather Duke, and he always has a mini-heart attack when his sister gets the, "pills," because of his suicide attempt.

Kindergarten Boyfriend: Go Alana! The song is so sad but the vocals are so great.

Yo Girl: This show kept getting worse and worse, and JD is still messed up, and Veronica may or may not need mental health by the time this show ends.

Meant To Be Yours: He loves the vocals, and how emotional it gets on both ends. He always breaks down when he sees you, "dead."

Dead Girl Walking Reprise: Time for this shitshow to end. Not that he doesn't like playing the part, it's just that his character is fucking psychotic. And he could have ended up like him if he hadn't met you and gotten the therapy and medication he needed.

I Am Damaged: After every show, Connor would always let you cry, while he reminded you gently that he was still here, and that it was only acting.

Seventeen Reprise: He thought the song was beautiful. He always got very emotional, "If one one loves me, someday somebody will." He loved that the show ended with a happy number, and that you always had the biggest smile on your face. You would always sneak a glance back at him, and he'd give you a thumbs up.

Curtain Call: You two always got to make a big entrance when you bowed, and he loved to see your smile when the crowd went crazy for the two of you.

Unfortunately, because of this, people would always ask for his number, and yours, and you would both have to explain that you were in a universe where no one died, and that JD and Veronica got their happily ever after.