Connor Murphy Imagines

You are my Sunshine: Connor Murphy x Reader (Warning: Suicide)

(Just in advance, I apologize for the angst.)

The sky was a dark grey as rain poured in the middle of the afternoon, Connor standing out of sight of the few workers at the local cemetery. Here lies Y/N  Y/L/N. A (son/daughter/child), friend, caregiver, and so much more. *Insert birthday here* - October 3, 2017.  There was so much he should say, but what good was it? 

You were gone, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Then what should he do?

Should he scream? Cry? Pour his heart and soul out to a heavy stone, only partially telling the story of who you were. He didn't know what to do, and he wasn't sure he ever would. All he wanted was to turn back time, tell you all the things that he wished he had said sooner. But of course, that was the one thing he couldn't do.

"Everyone loved you, you know." He said, hoping to get this off his chest. "I talked to your mom, she-" Connor stopped, feeling a lump form in his throat. "She misses you, a lot." Of course she does, dipshit. She's her mother for fuck's sake. He shook the harsh words out of his head, trying to be the person you saw.

"Even your dad showed up."

Ha. Even his own dad wouldn't show up to his funeral.

"When I finally talked to your friends, they said that you always had a story to tell. I remember you saying that your favorite ones were about your family, right?" He didn't get a response, only the sound of the rain hitting the top of his head. Connor forced a smile to his face, even though he could feel tears begin to prick at his eyes.

"You were always so kind to me." He started, wondering if he could even finally get his emotions out. "I never understood how you could put up with me, with all my angsty teenage bullshit." Connor laughed at himself the slightest bit. "You were always the one with the answers, brilliant, in so many ways."

This sounded nothing like Connor, how was he saying this all without feeling like a fool?

"I remember that one jacket you always wore, the big red one?" He laughed to himself, remembering how you swam in that jacket, since your mom had gotten it way too big for you by accident. "You looked like a little kid, but you always had the biggest smile on your face when you wore it." 

Your smile was the brightest thing he had ever seen, even if your teeth were crooked. If it was a small smile, the one you had when you were thinking about a fond memory, or something like that, he always saw it. Not in a stalker way, but he just noticed it. When you talked about something you loved, or when telling a funny story, that was... well... a different story.

You grinned from ear to ear, and it was always contagious. Even to him, and Connor barely smiled at all. Except when he was with you. You were his sunshine, always making his day brighter and better. Then, something different happened. Something that hadn't happened to him in years.

As he let the tears fall from his eyes, he began to sing. He felt the weight in his pocket, more prominently than he had before.

You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine.

He put his hand in his pocket.

You make me happy, 

When skies are grey.

He felt his hand grip around the cylindrical object.

I only know dear,

How much I love you.

He pulled the orange pill bottle out of his pocket.

Please don't take,

He opened the bottle, putting  a handful of pills into his mouth.

My sunshine,

He lied down, the back of his head resting against the tombstone, as he felt a small smile come to his face.

Away.

Here lies Connor Murphy,

(I have no idea when Connor's birthday is please don't kill me.) - October 3, 2017

"We may not end up in the same place, but anywhere I am. I hope it's with you."