Loss and Love

Chapter Three

The door open and we stare at each other for a quick second and then I spoke. "Hey".

"Morning. Please come in." He said leaving the door way for me to enter.
Then he shut it and sat on the couch opposite me. It's like he's avoiding eye contact with me. So I decided to speak.

"Why are you avoiding me Jerry? You even told me not to  come to your apartment without your consent and took your spare key from me. But it didn't really matter. And now you don't even want to look at me. What's going on Jerry?"

"It's hard being with you Liz." That was a bullet that went straight to my heart but I endured the pain.

"What do you mean it's hard being with me? Am I too problematic these days that you can't handle anymore? I know sometimes that you get tired of hearing me talked about my dad illness or my mother attitude towards me, but you can just say it and I'll stop."

" No Liz, it's not that."

"Then, what is it? Because I need an answer now." I said it with more command in my voice than I expected.

"Liz we've been together for almost three years now and I can't touch you."

"What?" I never saw that one coming. Is that what his attitude these days has been about?

"Yes Liz. I can't make love to you, and it's driving me crazy. You're my girlfriend for crying out loud."

"Haven't we talked about this a hundred times already Jerry? You said that you understood right?"

"Yeah I did but now I don't. What are you a virgin or something?"

'Yes I am stupid.' I said to myself.

"Look," He continued,"it's either now or never." He said walking slowly towards me, as he stood up from the chair.

Was he saying that I should have sex with him now?

"Are you saying that I should have sex with you now?"

"Why can't you?"

"Wait a minute Jerry." I said getting up and stepping a few step back. "Where is this coming from?" Jerry had asked me a thousand times and each time I refused he understood, but today seemed different.

"Where is what coming from?"

"What you're trying to do. Force me to sleep with you, that's not you. That's not the Jeremy I know." Whenever I used his real name that told him that am damn serious. And I just did.

"Well maybe you don't know me well. Maybe you know another kind of Jeremy." He said angrily

"I can't Jeremy. I'm not ready."

"Then it's over between us. There's no more you and I."

I thought that I was prepared to hear anything he was going to say to me today but I guess not. I stood frozen to the spot I was. My legs became so numb and heavy that I couldn't walk. Tears began to form in my eyes. There was a knot that started to form in my throat but I managed to speak.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Yes Liz. Good bye, and please close the door behind you when you're leaving." With that he walked to his room leaving me in his living room.

Why do I feel like when I take a step am going to collapse. Memories of us seeing each other the first day began to come back to me. His brown eyes a little darker than his skin color looking at me like he'd seen the girl of his dream. But I quickly snap back to reality. Jeremy had just broke up with me. I manage to walk and I left his apartment. The elevator ride down stairs was quicker than I thought and in seconds I was back to my car. I open the door to my Lexus and got in. I began to finally allow the tears to flow freely.