Discoveries ✔ (Divergent Fourtris Fanfiction)

Chapter 1: Friday, 15 days until initiation

Tris

I glance at the clock above the door to the fear simulation room for what feels like the thousandth time. Minutes seem to stretch into hours today. I have been sitting here, waiting for my turn, for more than an hour now. The other initiates have all been called in one by one, some by Lauren, some by Four.

Four.

Tobias.

I can't stop thinking about him. I can't wait to get in to him, yet I am also afraid that he might have changed his mind about us since last night. It doesn't help that he avoided looking at me when he asked the others into the room.

I try to calm myself by taking a deep breath and blowing all the air out of my lungs again while I lean back in my seat. I close my eyes and attempt to clear my mind. But it doesn't work, since memories of yesterday come back to life behind my closed eyelids: Tobias showing me his fear landscape, revealing his true name and background to me, and the trust he placed in me by doing so; Tobias telling me that he liked me without hesitation; Tobias kissing me with his fingers tangled in my hair, pulling me closer to him.

I sigh. I can't help it. Last night, after I had come back to the dormitory, I haven't been able to sleep because Tobias kept showing up in my head, and today is pretty much the same: He seems to wriggle his way into my every thought. I remember us sitting together on the cool stones close to the roaring waters of the chasm. His kisses made me dizzy, pushed all doubts aside until I had to say goodbye to him later.

Concerns have started to come up since then, and by now they have grown so much that I can't ignore them anymore. What if he regrets kissing me? What if I disappointed him somehow? Maybe I just wasn't good enough at kissing. I'm lacking experience, and surely he must have noticed. And what if he wanted more? More than just kisses? I recall his eyes looking at me longingly after I had kissed him goodbye in an empty hallway before our ways separated.

I can't give him more. Not now, anyway. Will that push him away from me? To some other girl, maybe, that can live up to his expectations? That looks more like a woman than I do? Why does my body refuse to become more feminine? It is frustrating.

"Tris, you're next!"

His voice startles me and pulls me back into reality. I look over to him, wanting to meet his eyes, but he has already turned on his heel and has stepped back into the orange lit room. I get up with slightly shaking legs and follow him inside, closing the door behind me, us.

"Sit," he orders, still turned away from me.

He's preparing the computer system for the simulation by entering some commands into the keyboard. I slowly walk to the big chair beside him and sit down carefully. As I watch him take out the familiar syringe full of orange liquid, I think of something, anything, to say to him. My head is full of questions, and I have to pick one to start with.

"So have you decided to ignore me today?"

It's a question, but it's also a statement. And I seem to have hit a nerve with it because I see Tobias' muscles tense.

When he turns and closes the distance between us with only two steps, his eyes are on mine. I don't flinch, and suddenly I feel yesterday's connection again. Something inside me melts under his gaze. He takes a loose strand of hair from my cheek and smooths it behind my ear softly. My breath quickens at the brush of his fingertips against my skin.

"There are cameras in here. They don't always monitor this room, but someone could be watching. We can't act the way we want to in here," Tobias explains.

He slightly tilts my head to the side to expose my neck and raises the syringe.

"Once we're done here, we can meet at my apartment. Let's say at eight. I'll be waiting for you. And I promise you there are no cameras there."

His voice is a whisper now. I feel stupid for accusing him of ignoring me. Of course, there is a reason to it. There is almost always one behind his actions. I nod my consent to him and smile slightly, then lay back and relax.

"Let's get it over with," I state.

"Be brave, Tris," Tobias says, like he always does before injecting me.

I feel the needle enter my neck and bite my teeth. I still don't like the feeling of the cool liquid entering me and spreading through my veins.

It's eight p.m. and I am in Tobias' apartment. I take a look around and it still looks like the last time I was in here, right after Peter, Drew and Al attacked me.

I turn around when I hear the bathroom door open behind me. Tobias comes out, dressed in black pants and a tight T-Shirt that shows the muscles on his chest as he walks over to me. Something in his gaze seems strange to me though, but I can't figure out what it is. Tobias doesn't stop when he's right in front of me, close. Instead, he takes my wrists and pushes me backwards until I feel my legs hit something — his bed.

"Sit down," he commands.

Suddenly I feel uneasy, like the situation is gliding out of my control. I don't dare to disobey, since Tobias is speaking to me with his instructor voice. I sit on the edge of the bed, ready to jump up again any moment. I look into Tobias' eyes, searching for something familiar, but I have to turn my gaze away from his. Somehow his stare is disturbing me. He looks at me like he has never done before. Nervousness creeps up on me. This isn't good. He grips the hem of his shirt and takes it off in one swift move, then tosses it to the floor.

"Now yours," he says.

I swallow. No. This is too quick. I can't take off my shirt. I don't want to. I want to be the one who sets the pace. But I'm afraid to say no to him. Will he send me away if I don't do what he wants me to do?

"Your shirt, Tris!" he insists.

The nervousness in my stomach grows and slowly turns into fear. It's not a panic kind of fear, but not less scary. I don't know what to do and I can't look at Tobias, so I look past him to make up my mind.

And then it dawns on me that I must be in a simulation. I can tell because behind Tobias — or the simulation that looks just like him — the bathroom door is still open and I can see our reflections in the mirror over the sink. I see my own pale face flushed with red on the cheeks and I see Tobias' naked back: The Tattoo on his neck ends right where his collar usually begins to cover it. There's only the part of it visible that I already know. As I've never seen it completely, my mind can't replay it in a simulation, and obviously it can't make it up either. I take a deep breath as I force myself to look up to Tobias again.

"What is it? I thought you liked me!" the simulation teases me, the words hitting me hard.

I take a deep breath to slow my heart rate.

"I do like you, but that doesn't mean I will do everything you ask me to do, especially when I'm not ready for it," I say.

And suddenly I'm back in the simulation room, still sitting in the metal chair, and standing in front of me is the real Tobias, staring at me with cold eyes, his expression hard. Then he turns away to type on the keyboard. It's something he usually doesn't do after simulations, so I figure it's his way to dismiss me from the room. I feel numb and unable to move, with my mind still struggling to understand what has just happened.

When I don't move, Tobias whispers, "You should go."

And I know he's not just angry, but also hurt. But so am I by his reaction, so I leave without another word.

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DISCLAIMER: I own neither the Divergent world nor the characters, they belong to Veronica Roth.