Discoveries ✔ (Divergent Fourtris Fanfiction)

Chapter 4

Tobias

I'm nervous. I don't like to admit it, but I am. I pace up and down my apartment, unable to rest. Everything is clean and tidy and I've tried to make it look comfortable. The coffee machine is gurgling monotonously on the kitchen counter and two pieces of chocolate cake are waiting to be eaten on the sofa table.

I'm relieved when I hear Tris knock on the door. Part of me was afraid she wouldn't show up. She has her hair down, which looks good on her.

"Hi. Come in," I gesture to the room with my left arm, and she steps inside.

Then we stand there, looking at each other, and I'm momentarily lost for words. How can I start this conversation? I'm not used to having visitors, especially not girls. I decide to say something before the silence becomes too awkward.

"I've brought us some cake and the coffee will be ready soon."

"That's nice."

"We can sit on the couch. It's more comfortable than the kitchen chairs."

"Sounds good."

I take two cups out of a kitchen cupboard and fill them with coffee, then carry them over to Tris. She has removed her shoes and is sitting cross-legged on my sofa. I like the sight of her in my apartment. I hand her one of the cups and sit down, my body turned towards her.

At least she looks comfortable, although it's obvious that she's nervous: She keeps brushing the same strand of hair out of her face again and again, and her cheeks are flushed. I smile inwardly. Still, I'm not sure where to begin. Probably it will be best if I stick to the truth, although it proves to be a difficult thing to do. For a second, an old saying flashes through my mind: Every Candor needs a pinch of Dauntless.

"Look, Tris, I'm sorry about my reaction yesterday. Your simulation took me by surprise. I didn't know you were afraid of me. It surprised me and, if I'm honest here, it hurt me. The way you looked at me made me feel as if I was like..."

I swallow. This is difficult. She doesn't interrupt me, just listens carefully.

"It made me feel as if I was like Marcus. And I sure as hell never want to be anything like him."

Now the words are out. Tris looks at me, surprised, and I'm not sure if she has noticed one of my own worst fears shine through the last sentence.

"That's what it was about?"

"What do you think that it was about?"

She averts her eyes.

"Well, I thought you were disappointed because you can't be with me the way you want to — if you want to."

Her voice is barely a whisper. I don't know how to answer.

When I remain silent, Tris continues, "Tobias, you'll never be like your father. From the very moment you decided to leave and put as much distance between the two of you as possible, from the moment you decided to go your own way, you have already become so different to him. You won't be like him if you don't want to be. How could you possibly be, after all that he's done to you? He's a coward, letting out his anger on a helpless child, and you're not. You're brave."

Her words are comforting and I wish I could believe them.

"Then why are you afraid of me?"

She takes a sip of coffee and her brows furrow. I can tell she's thinking about her next words.

"I'm not afraid of you, Tobias."

Now she looks up into my eyes again, and suddenly I can feel the connection between us returning.