Discoveries ✔ (Divergent Fourtris Fanfiction)

Chapter 49

Tris

I eat dinner with Lauren in the cafeteria. I was a little hesitant to join her, but everyone else is still at work or elsewhere.

"Try to get over our instructor-initiate-relationship, Tris. We're equals now. And in more than one way, I might add," she says while digging into her fries.

"I'll try to work on it," I reply and pick up a pizza slice from my plate.

"So, are you planning to accompany someone to work this week? What do you have in mind when it comes to picking a job?"

I shift in my seat. It's an uncomfortable topic.

"Actually, I haven't given it much thought. With everything that's going on, I'll be happy if we ever make it to that point."

"I'm surprised you see it like this. Sure, there's a lot that's happening, but let's be optimistic about it, even if it's just for argument's sake. You'll still have to decide about your future in Dauntless. There are so many possibilities for you with your rank, you shouldn't ignore it."

"But I don't know my rank yet."

"You're clever. I'm convinced you know that you're good, and if not, then let me tell you that you are. So, any ideas?"

I chew on my pizza, turning thoughts around in my mind. There are things I enjoy, but it feels wrong to think about what I want. Whenever I spend time considering my job options, I don't spend time thinking about how to stop the war that's about to start, which leads me to feel guilty and selfish.

It feels wrong.

I sigh.

"Well, I think I'd like teaching. I can also imagine working in the infirmary, or helping people in general. I'd also like to change a few things about the way Dauntless currently works back to how it must have been before. I'd like to find out how people want to live here and try to improve their lives. I want to know more about the other factions and their beliefs and bring them together peacefully. I refuse to believe everyone in Erudite is evil. Every faction is more than their leaders. I'd like to give each member a voice in our society. Maybe there are ways to include the factionless more to give them a better social status. I want a job that is challenging and rewarding at the same time. Bottom line, my thoughts are not very organized."

"But that's quite an impressive list you've got there."

"It doesn't feel like much, though. It's just a bunch of intentions and ideals that I have, but I have no idea what to make of it all. And then the pressure that my decision will affect my life for so many years to come... It's frightening."

Lauren nods sympathetically, and then we talk about different jobs for at least an hour. Our plates have long been empty when we finally put a stop to our conversation, and that's only because we have to head to the Allegiant meeting.

"So Zeke and Shauna's apartment is your headquarters?" Lauren asks walking alongside me.

"We never used that word for it, but you could call it like that, yes. I mean, they have the most spacious home of all of us."

"Reasonable," she says, stifling a yawn.

I smile at her in understanding.

"Tired?"

"Kind of. I didn't sleep well last night."

"Tell me about it. Me neither. I had the strangest nightmare of all times. It felt as if I was trapped in a cruel version of my fear landscape."

I shudder as I remember the images that finally forced me awake at the dead of night, crying.

"A cruel version? Has there ever been one that wasn't?" Lauren's cynicism can't be missed.