Discoveries ✔ (Divergent Fourtris Fanfiction)

Chapter 37

Tris

I wait and wait until it's my turn, and I've become really impatient by the time Lauren calls me in. I'm anxious about going through my landscape, anxious about what I might face in there. I keep asking myself if my fear of intimacy is still there, if it has changed once again, making it difficult to prepare for the exam. How am I supposed to develop a decent strategy when it keeps jumping up at me in different ways?

I concentrate on moving through the various scenarios that appear around me, what I feel is easier to do now that I don't have to be afraid to show my awareness anymore. I overcome the obstacles one by one the way I practiced until I find myself sitting face to face with Tobias at his kitchen table.

He reaches for my hand and caresses it with his thumb, like he often does. Only his face looks tense, worried. He's pale. My own heart is beating fast and I find it hard to breathe, although I don't know why. What kind of fear is this?

"Tobias?" I ask.

"Shhh, one more minute," he says with a glance at the clock.

Okay... This is strange. I think about withdrawing my hand from his, but it calms me although I know it isn't real, and Lauren knows about us anyway. I don't have to hide our relationship from her.

I look at our joined hands until Tobias whispers flatly, "You can go and check it now."

"Check what?"

"In the bathroom."

It's not really an answer to my question, but I get up and walk over to the bathroom on shaking legs. What am I going to find in there? I slowly open the door to peek inside, but I don't see anything unusual. I turn my head to look at Tobias, but his back is turned to me while he sits motionless in his seat.

I enter his bathroom and let my eyes wander around until they fall on a white stick beside the sink. Oh... Oh no... My fingers tremble as I pick it up and turn it around to find two pink stripes accompanied by one unmistakable word: pregnant.

I'm left speechless while I think about what to do to get past this simulation with my heart hammering in my chest. Do I have to find a feeling of acceptance to move on to the next one? I'm not convinced that I'm able to slow my heart rate down enough to continue to my next fear.

No, if this was just about me, the projection of Tobias wouldn't be here. No, now it's obvious what my task is. I have to tell him.

I take several deep breaths before I walk over to where he sits like a statue, waiting. The chair legs screech on the floor as I pull my chair around to sit down. Tobias looks up at me with questioning eyes, but otherwise he stays silent. I hope just telling him will end this simulation.

"It's positive. I'm pregnant."

He gasps in surprise, or shock, or whatever it is, and then the images around me start to blur and transform into endless ocean.

I move through my remaining fears and after I'm done, reality becomes visible. I bow down with my hands on my thighs, breathing hard. It takes a minute or two until I've calmed down enough to stand up straight and leave through the door behind me to turn left and go into the observation room. Lauren offers me the chair next to her, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to sit down.

"So what do you think about going through your landscape?"

"I think I did okay. I mean, maybe I'm not the fastest, but I think I got past my obstacles without wasting too much time."

Lauren raises her eyebrows at me. "Are you kidding? That wasn't just okay, that was brilliant. You faced your fears with very efficient strategies, and really fast. I'm not allowed to tell you your position in the rankings, but your time is among the fastest of all initiates. And only seven fears, I'm impressed."