The Dragon Queen // (Under Revision)

Guiltless ≠ Blameless

The morning passed slowly.

Tsuyoi spent most of it sleeping. In and out of dark, dreamless torpidity, she had lots of time to contemplate the events of the previous night.

She hadn't realized that Chizu had created a yuimaru with her until it was broken. There was a strange sense she was missing something. 

It was like her amnesia, to some extent. She grasped at the tingling sensation, that was faded more and more as the minutes ticked on. It was different from the one that she and Naruto shared; a warm tether that connected two kindred spirits. Chizu's yuimaru had been loaded with evil and hate and that had slowly been siphoning away at Tsuyoi's humanity since she was eleven. 

And she hadn't even known.

She could barely believe it. She was caught between anger and complete shock. She didn't want to think of all the times her brain had been on display to someone so malicious, she couldn;t even fathom it. Every longing, every memory, every sorrow--laid out like an open book for Chizu's finger to skim over. Nothing she had ever thought for almost six years hadn't been put on display. 

But what utterly destroyed her was the fact that she was forced to relive those horrible memories for the sake of a "learning experience", and to draw from her vast tap of power to keep the monastery running. These, among other thoughts, among other truths, surfaced every time she opened her eyes, waiting for her among the folds of the blackness of slumber, biding its time so it could pounce upon her again when she woke.

She still hated Chizu. Something deep and primitive in her still wanted to kill her. Even more so, now that she knew what she had done. 

But know she realized that killing was wrong.

She hadn't before.

Well, more so that killing wasn't right. That it would only taint her more, that the pain wouldn't go away, and that the hate wasn't going to end with Chizu. The feeling when she had her pinned her, that inkling, was, in fact, correct.

Naruto knew...he's been through it before. That's what he was trying to tell me...

But I still didn't know that killing was wrong.

Didn't I?

......

No. She hadn't. Her brain had been too tired to think about it anymore. So Tsuyoi slept. 

Every time she woke, however, the disturbing thoughts diminished; she felt a little bit better until the anger had completely disappeared. It was a difficult occurrence to describe. She didn't know where it had gone, and she wasn't in the frame of mind to pursue any answers. She didn't know what she felt for Chizu now, whether it be indifference or hate. It was an unfinished question. But for the first time a long while, she felt utter peace. She basked in the cool quietness of it. It reminded her of her mother.

Thinking of her mother made her think of Hayate.

Nothing made sense. Hayate had separated her understanding of wrong and right? Naruto said something about that.

That sounded like something Hayate would do, though. If she did, it was because she didn't want me to feel guilty...but...

Life without guilt seems unrealistic.

She fell back asleep.

After waking up again at around noon, she stared at the ceiling above her, lying out on her back with her arms outstretched. Later that following evening, she and the patrons (plus Naruto, Kakashi, Sai and Sakura) would depart from the monastery, heading to the capital of Liodito--Muranomachi. The place of her birth and of her father's death. The Council, the Headman's estate, the Golem Guild headquarters, and the Mother's Home were all located there.