The Dragon Queen // (Under Revision)

The Unconscious Mind

There was always sadness in Masashi's face when he told Tsuyoi that she looked like her mother. Masashi Himekawa was tall and strong like a young horse, but ever since the day he returned to from the war a year before, the worry lines in his face had grown deeper and deeper. In the beginning, the deep lines around his mouth shrank when he smiled, but now they showed even when he laughed. It hurt Tsuyoi. It made her heart shrink into its cage every time she saw it.

"Papa, why are you sad all the time?" Tsuyoi would pull on his pant leg, eyes filled with urgency.

"Papa is the Headman of the village, and the Headman gets very tired, akachan." He would answer, pausing from shelving papers and writing letters to the Council to look down at her. He'd smile, and Tsuyoi would have a full view of the dark dimples and the ever-present lines.

Tsuyoi missed Masashi's perfect smile, and she missed her mother even more. Nanao Arakawa had died on the battlefield a year before. Papa had never told her how; he'd always said that he'd tell her when she got older. All Tsuyoi knew was that Mum was the love and warmth that had lit up the house, and Papa's barking laugh provided the music. But both were gone, the house silent and cold, because the light had vanished and Papa's laugh was hollow now.

They still tried to be happy, though.

They went about their daily lives, Masashi working and Tsuyoi playing with the neighbors and the orphans at the Mother's Home. But one day, as life always does to the weak and the innocent, everything changed.

The wind blew on the trees, and the petals yielded to the breeze's command.

Tsuyoi didn't know when the fire started. She was in her room when smoke started to drift under the door. When she opened it, fire hissed and spat at her hair and clothes. She ran, burning her feet and arms as she shielded her face.

"Papa!" She shouted over the roar of the flames.

"Just run, Tsuyosugiru," his voice said quietly from behind the wall of fire. "Go strong, and run."

Tsuyoi ran. She failed to notice his mangled leg, his only reward from the wat, pinned beneath the burning fallen beam. "Papa!" She screamed as she ran, smoke filling her lungs. She collapsed outside in the grass, hacking and coughing and spitting and crying. She would never see her father again. She would live in the Mother's Home as the newest orphan, the daughter of the late Headman, Masashi Himekawa, for almost another year.

She could wield a tekkan better than any of the boys in her village, she could jump from tree to tree like a monkey and never turned down a dare. She hadn't cried since her papa told her that Mum was not coming home. But then, sprawled in the grass with embers falling about her, she cried.

Like any seven year old would do.

********

Tsuyoi opened her eyes to blackness. Memories, that was her dilemma. Every aspect of her life had been suppressed by Chizu, that much was apparent. But why?

Why should I even care? Her mind drifted lazily.

She could remember everything now, crystal clear. So sharp it stung. It was all there. How she had gotten here. Who'd she'd become. It was all coming to her. Naruto's arrival had sparked this sudden activity. His openness and frankness in nature had rubbed off on her.

"Damn you, Naruto..." She said, bubbles expelling from her mouth and into the blackness.

She let her mind wander again. She pictured Nanao's face; the same shade of green in her hair and eyes as her own. She missed her mother, but she could only remember little pieces about her. The soft trill in her voice. The glow of her candles as she prayed at night. Her fingers braiding Tsuyoi's hair. The things she could remember were enough. It made her feel warm.

Then she imagined Naruto's fingers in her hair instead of her Mum's. She didn't feel embarrassed. Or shy. She just wanted. She wanted to wake up. She wanted to fight beside him until she died. But she was stuck here. The emotions threatened to burst out of her, but there was no air for them to breathe in. No life. She loved Naruto, but it was much deeper than a petty crush. She was a part of Naruto, as he was of her. But she was stuck here, unable to move. She was too weak to do anything.

"Wake up!" She shouted at herself. "Naruto is calling you!"

Yowai...? Is she talking to me?

"No! It's Natsukashii! Wake up! Yowai told Naruto that you loved him!"

Her eyes flew open. "I can't wake up on my own in the Black Room, Natsukashii."

"You have to try!"

"I can't. I don't wanna go, I wanna stay here."

"But Naruto is calling you." Natsukashii's voice was broken and confused.

"I don't care what he wants. He can't save me. And besides, I don't need to be saved." Tsuyoi let herself fall deep into the blackness, let it consume her. "Let Yowai deal with everything. Let me die."

"You're not yourself, Tsuyoi. I'm going to save you, and I will help Naruto save you! I won't let you die!"

Tsuyoi didn't answer. She closed her eyes. Natsukashii didn't speak again.

Something in Tsuyoi's mind was sobbing. She didn't know why. She couldn't remember.