These Dreams

I'll Always Protect You

Gloria- Laura Branigan '82

How Am I Supposed to Live Without You- Laura Branigan '83

LENA POV

"Come on chicken baby!" Stef giggled as we had gone to the roller rink with a few others from school. It was finally Friday and the week had been both good and bad. Part of me was really freaking out about what Tess had said to me and hinted at and it was hard for me to get it out of my mind without being somewhat obsessing over it.  If she did know or if she did think something was going on with me and Stef that could spill big trouble for me once again. It really could as I tried my hardest not think about it even with Stef's reassurance that my cousin was bullshitting me and trying to scare me.

FLASHBACK

"Ignore her baby she doesn't know shit. She's fucking bluffing." Stef said to me as  we sat on the rocks at the beach and I had just spilled to her what was bothering me for the past few days. It was impossible to hide anything from her for she could read me like a book. It could be both good and bad for I just didn't want to make any problems and was trying to keep the peace as best as I could. But my cousin was not making things easy not at all and I really didn't expect her too anymore. I knew I was Stef's first kiss I knew that and didn't believe a word Tess said. Yes, Stef was affectionate but not inappropriate.

 "But what if she's not? What if she does know?"

"Sweetheart she doesn't know. Believe me. Tess is full of it. Believe me and she's gonna hear a earful from me from talking shit she doesn't know about. I've never kissed another girl ever so she can shove it."

"I know you haven't kissed anyone babe. I know that and I know she's just....Well I'm not sure what's going on with her."

"I do!" Stef laughed awkwardly.

"What?"

"She's damm jealous Len. She's jealous and pissed that I'm not at her fucking beck and call anymore like I use to be. That I don't follow her around like a little lap dog or do whatever she wants me to do. I was so fucking stupid."

"You weren't Stef. She was your best friend and I hate to think that I caused you both not to be anymore." I said with tears starting to fall down my face. For I was starting to feel like this was all my fault and that I caused a big mess for Stef and that her secret might be out too. "I am sorry and I'm sorry if people might know about you too because of me...

"Hey don't you dare! Don't you dare my Lena" Turning to face me she grabbed both of my hands holding them in hers . "Baby you have done nothing wrong sweets. Shit, if anything you made my life better  and made me see I deserved a better friend then Tess. You made me realize who I am and that it's ok to be who I am. Len you, you allowed me to make love to you. You know how much that meant to me?" Cupping my cheek she smiled softly at me as I returned the smile to her. "I don't know what I would do if you had not come to live here. I don't know Len and fuck if people find out about me. Let em talk and if Tess wants to talk shit let her. But she won't get far talking shit about you that's for sure because she has no idea. She has no idea how damm loyal I am to you and how far I'd go to protect you and this thing we have babe. I know we are only 16 and all and it's crazy but I'd...I'd be forever with you if you wanted."

"You, you would? You would want to be with me forever?" Hearing my voice crack the tears were really falling from my eyes now.

"Yeah. Too corny?"

"No, no at all. It's, it's so sweet. I feel the same I really do babe."

"I know you do and look I know ya'll go off to college and get all your degrees and shit and I'll always support you. Even if you go across the world I'll wait for you babe.I fucking swear I will." Laughing once again at her choice of words she wiped my tears as her words were doing so much to me.  More then I could ever think they would but they were. They were getting so far in my heart and my young soul that I didn't know what to do. But I felt the same.  I loved Stef and she meant the world to me.