These Dreams

Hiding

If You Leave Me Now-Chicago-'76

LENA POV

The weekend had been a blur and ever since Stef and I kissed under the boardwalk that night I had been feeling so nervous, anxious and panicked. It wasn't that I didn't like the kiss for that was the problem. The problem was I loved the kiss and it was something I never experienced ever and I wanted to kiss her over and over and over. Not that I had kissed many people for it had just been Eileen and one other boy. However, this was not the same. Not even close and my mind was blown and confused for I had done what my mother had told me not to. I had shown Stef who I really was.

FLASHBACK

Softly feeling her lips on mine our inexperienced kiss grew deeper and deeper as I felt her hand gently cup my cheek while my hand squeezed her upper arm. By this time I was so lightheaded not wanting to pull away as we leaned in even closer to each other. Every feeling that I felt the last few months was rushing through my body as I felt her tongue slid into my mouth. Unsure of what to do I mimicked hers as they rolled around each others  in a haphazard way. Sure it was clumsy but I didn't care as I squeezed her arm tighter and we gently pulled away. Glancing deep into her eyes shyly she smiled softly at me as our fingers laced together and she brought them up to her mouth kissing them.

"You ok?" She whispered gently touching my curls as I nodded my head and returning the smile at her. 

"Yes."

"You sure sweetheart? I know I'm not the greatest kisser. I um haven't had much practice." Laughing awkwardly my heart nearly exploded at what she called me.

"No, you are an awesome kisser. I liked it."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

" I liked it too. Do you um, do you um want to kiss again?"

Smiling at her as she blushed I nodded my head wanting more then anything for her to kiss me again as our fingers remained intact.

"Yes."

Grinning at me she bit her bottom lip as our lips pressed against each others once again. This time it was a little slower, and a little less panicked and shaky as we took our time. We took our time and she was so gentle and kind that it left me feeling as free as a bird. Right now I only knew one thing and one thing only that I was in love with Stef.

FLASHBACK ENDS

But I was scared, I was now worried and didn't know how to face her for  I never told her the real reason I moved to San Diego. My mind couldn't help but wonder if she was going to do what Eileen did. Was she going to tell everyone and turn on me?  Was she going to tell the school, was she going to tell Tess what I had done. Was she faking? Shoving my face back in my pillow as the tears started to run down my cheeks it was now Monday morning and I had faked a cold thankfully getting out of school. However, I had to admit it was not easy avoiding Stef. It was the hardest thing ever for all I wanted to do was kiss her again and be in her arms. I wanted to lay beside her in bed, talk and well if I was honest make out. But I couldn't and this was all wrong it just was and I had no idea what I was going to do for I had messed up again. And messed up big time.

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STEF POV

I had not heard from Lena since Friday night when I dropped her off and knew for sure that she was avoiding me. She had not even shown up for our usual walk to school and to have our morning cinnamon buns that she loved. But why I didn't understand. I mean if it was from the kiss I was confused because she seemed to really like it and yeah I damm near loved it for that girls lips were nothing like I ever felt in my life. They were so soft and full and just her touch alone left me dizzy and feeling things I never in my life felt. But maybe now she was thinking it was a big fucking mistake and I scared her off. Fuck, Stef. You scared her off. That was totally it. She probably went home and regretted the entire thing and thinks I'm one big damm creep and weirdo. Christ. Great going and way to ruin a good thing. I knew Lena was sensitive and why couldn't I just keep my freakin' feelings to myself I thought as I threw my books in my locker. 

"Hey Stef can we talk?" I suddenly heard Tess ask as I looked to her annoyed for this was the last thing I needed right now.

"Ok." About?" Rolling my eyes and avoiding hers she moved closer to me.

"Lena is home sick incase you were wondering."

"What is it you want to talk about Tess? Eddie dump you?" 

"No. I just want to apologize for how I have been. I didnt mean to get bitchy and werid about you being friends with Lena."

"Ok."

"Ok and I just want to end our little spat and be friends again. I miss you Stef. Honest and it suck so much without you."

Letting out a sigh I threw the last of my books in my locker unsure of how to respond. Before Lena came along and really showed me what a nice awesome friend looks like I would have begged Tess to forgive me and I had begged her many times. But after how she treated me and how she had been to Lena I just wasn't sure and really didn't want to keep dealing with her shit anymore.

"You were downright nasty Tess. Serioulsy. I mean what the fuck."

"I know and I'm really sorry Stef. I really do miss you and our friendship. What do you say we head to Ralph's to get shakes. And you can come over and here one of my new 45. I mean you don't miss our friendship any of it?" 

"Parts of it T. Yeah until you started to act like a jerk."

"I can be a better friend. I can just give me a chance. Oh and by the way Mike is gonna ask you to prom."

"What?"

"Yeah. Now you don't have to look for a date and we can double. You can go with Mike and I'll go with Eddie. It will be awesome."

"And who is Lena going with?" I said with an attitude feeling really annoyed.

"Well we can find her someone. I'm sure there is someone desperate enough to go with her."

Shaking my head at her comment I slammed my locker door shut.

"Ya know I don't like how you talk to Lena or treat her. What do you mean someone desperate enough?"

"Look I didn't mean desperate I just mean I'm sure there is a guy who would love to go with her. Why are you so defensive anyway?"

"Because you treat her like shit and I don't like it. And I'm not going to some stupid prom that I could give two shits about and wearing some ugly ass puffy dress."

"What why? I told Mike you wanted him to ask you."

"What! Are you freaking kidding me? Why in the hell would you do that?"

"So that we could double and he likes you."

"Look Mike is my friend. That's all and I told you that before. What don't you get."

"I was just trying to help Stef. Why are you being like that?"

"Because I didn't ask for your damm help T. I never asked. And now you made it all freakin' weird with Mike."

"It's not weird if you just go with him. I don't know why you don't. You like him."

Growing even more frustrated I put my backpack on looking Tess right in the face.

"You ignore me for two months over some BS. Then you decide you wanna play matchmaker with me and pretend we are close friends again?"

"We are close Stef and I said I was sorry!"

 "Do me a favor. Stay out of my shit." Walking away more angry then ever I cut the rest of school for if I didn't talk to Lena I was going to loose my mind. Tess and her crap would just have to wait while I also needed to figure out what to do about Mike. Fuck.