These Dreams

Time Hurts

One month later....

STEF POV

"So did you wanna head to the movies on Friday Stef?" I heard Mike ask as I threw my math book in my locker along with my science book barely listening. It had been a long month not to mention fucking heartbreaking. Heartbreaking beyond belief and to the point that if I thought about it I would probably burst into tears.  Tears I didn't even think I had left for I had cried all of them every single night since Lena left.

"Nah. I'm just gonna head home. Besides I'm still grounded."

"I figured. Look if you um..if you wanna talk I'm here Stef. Honest."

"Thanks Mike. I appreciate that." I said glancing to him as he smiled shyly at me.

" Anytime. Do you want a ride home?"

"Nah I'll walk. See ya later?"

"Sure." Smiling at me once again I returned it as I shut my locker door heading out the school. Since being back school felt different,  so did I and life was not the same for me and never would be.Most days it felt like I was holding on by a thread and could barely function. My grades were slipping, I was kicked off the team for good and if I didn't clean up my act I'd be fail out. None of it married to me though, none of it and how could it. The person I loved, had fallen so in love with and maybe wanted to marry one day if we ever could was gone. Gone from my everyday life and I never realized how much I could miss someone. Despite us keeping in touch with letters and writing back and forth as much as we could it was still so hard, so difficult for I just wanted to be with her, hold her like I had done when she sick on the road, and hold her like I had done before that.  We wanted to touch, we wanted to make love and love each other more and more.

Lena still felt terrible, she felt awful saying that us having to go back was her fault. But there was no way that it was. No way at all for she could never predict what happened and I never blamed her. Not even once for I told her my job was to take care of her at all cost and I did and always would.

"Stef!" Hearing someone call my name I was so out of it I failed to notice Tess soon walking beside me. "Stef wait up."

"What Tess?" I said annoyed as she looked deep into my eyes.

"Do you always have to be so nasty. I just wanted to see how you were."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. I do still care about you know."

"Oh really? Could have fooled me."

"You know we use to be best friends. Like real best friends until...

"Until what? Until what go ahead say it!"Crossing my arms as she grew more annoyed at me my patience level was slim to nothing right now. Not that she was happy with what happened to Lena but I knew she was glad she was gone. That alone made me angry.

"Life is not all about Lena. It really isn't and it's not like she died. She will be fine Stef. It wasn't like you could be together for real anyway. I mean did you think that? Did you think you were gonna date for real and go to prom together? People were already talking imagine what they would do with that?"

"I don't care what people said and you know what yeah, we were together and yeah we will be together. Because you and everyone else can shove it and so can her mother. Lena will be my wife one day."

"You are kidding?"

"No and you know what Tess? Honestly I think you're just upset that it's not you."

"Ha! Don't flatter yourself I'm not into girls and I'm not a dyke like you Stef."

"No? Could have fooled me when you shoved your tongue down my throat that time."

"Oh please we were drunk!"

"You weren't that drunk. So keep telling yourself that." I said as she looked more and more concerned. "But don't worry I'm not like that and won't go telling your little secret. Wouldn't want people talking about you and making your life harder now would we." Swallowing hard at me I shook my head and walked off leaving her to stand alone with those thoughts. As I quickly turned the block not giving Tess a second thought I unlocked my front door heading into my room and shutting the door just wanting to drown the entire day out. Ignoring my mother as I heard her call for me I turned the record player on not wanting to talk and reading the last few letters Lena had written me. Just being able to read them allowed me to imagine her voice, remembering how it sounded and thinking of her beautiful face. That face, that smile, the way she smelled and said my name all things you take for granted until you can no longer have it or see it everyday.

FLASHBACK

"We have time to stop here?" Lena said to me as I pulled up to the side of the road that showed an amazing view of the Pacific Ocean.

"Of course baby. We have a second. Come baby." Smiling at her I grabbed her hand and pulled her onto the hood of the car in between my legs. "You cold?"

"I'm ok. Being this close to you keeps me warm."

"Yeah? Then I'll always stay this close to you babe." Glancing to me she smiled shyly as her beautiful curls blew in the wind. "What's up? MM?"

"Nothing." She shrugged.

"No. I can see it Len. Come on what's up."

"I want to be with you forever."

"Yeah? I want to be with you forever too. I mean we are gonna go to college and we can go to one together or you know  wait for each other. But no matter what I only want you. I mean like you know marriage and stuff."

"Marriage?" She asked surprised as it was me who grew shy now.

"Well, I mean only if you wanted to."

"If we could one day yeah. We can at 18 I think but  well..

"I know it's not legal and shit. Maybe by then it will be?"

"Maybe. But I would. And you will be cop and I'll run a school."

"Ha! Yeah. Do you want kids?"

"I do. Do you?"

"As long as they don't turn out like me!"

"I would want them to. I would want them to be smart and courageous and fearless like their mother."

"I'd want them to be beautiful, intelligent, and sassy like their mama." I said gently stroking her cheek as the smile on her face grew even wider.

"I think they would be a mixture of both of us."

"Yeah but I'd need to watch my fucking mouth." I joked.

"Yes." She giggled as I held her even closer to me taking in her wonderful scent.

FLASHBACK ENDS

Thinking of that day which was about a month ago I could feel the tears fall down my face as, Foolish Hearts, played on my stereo. Maybe from the outside we had looked foolish but we were anything but that and  we were still more determined then ever to be together. Regardless of what her mother said, or how sick sometimes Lena would get I didn't care. Not one bit. She was the love of my life and nothing would ever change that.