Just A Game

Day 16

September 16th, 2016

Castiel woke up and put on clothes. He headed out to the impala to grab his gift to Dean out of the trunk. Castiel headed back upstairs to where Dean was passed out.
"Hey Dean." Castiel said as he shook Dean. "Dean."
"What Cas I'm trying to sleep?" Dean rudely replied.
"I got you something yesterday."
Castiel handed him the sweatshirt.
"Thanks Cas. I love it." Dean said thankfully.
"I have instructions for that sweatshirt though. It may sound weird, but no matter what you do, please don't wash that." Castiel pleaded.
"I get it. You want to have something that smells like me for when I'm gone."
"Dean please don't talk like that. I'll save you. I'm going to save you somehow." Castiel said more to convince himself than Dean.
"Cassy I've made my peace with death. Just live on without me. You'll be okay I promise."
Castiel broke down crying into Deans new sweatshirt that he had put on. Castiel noticed Dean was always cold lately. He was quite thin and frail so Castiel could understand why. The less fat on your bones, the colder you are. You don't have any insulation to keep you warm. Castiel bawled as Dean wrapped his arms around him.
Dean knew Castiel wasn't going to be okay. He could see Cas was really in love with him. When you're truly in love, you will be broken for months if your partner leaves you, let alone dies. Dying is worse because then you know you'll never get them back no matter how hard you try. They're gone forever until you die and are in heaven together. But Dean knew Castiel probably wasn't going to heaven seeing as God seemed to hate Cas. Dean hoped he'd get into heaven along with Cas but he knew it was a long shot. God please if you care. If you love me or Castiel or Sammy or Ellie or Angel at all, please please please don't let me die. And if I do, please let Castiel be okay and when he finally dies, let him into heaven. Let me into heaven too. We've never done anything but love each other. Neither of us are murderers. Why would you send two innocent in love men to hell? We never did anything. We can't choose our sexuality. God please help me. Help your son Castiel. Help Sammy. Just please let Castiel and Sammy be okay. Please God. In the name of the lord I pray, amen. Dean had been praying a lot lately. He just wanted his death to either go smoothly or not happen at all. He didn't realize he was crying until he felt Castiel wipe a tear from his cheek.
"It's okay." Castiel told Dean. "It'll all be okay. I'll be okay after your gone. So will Sammy. Now how about some of that three stooges thing you were talking about yesterday?"
"Oh yeah! Could you go get some snacks? I'll grab the movies." Dean said.
Castiel walked out to the impala and headed to the nearest gas station. He walked through the glass door as it dinged. He browsed the aisles, picking out calorie filled candy as he went. Snickers, nerds, milk duds, gummy bears, pringles, and skittles. That should be enough. Right? Castiel had never been shopping alone before. He headed over to the check outs and set the candy on the counter. Castiel read the mans nametag. Bobby. Fitting. Castiel thought to himself. Bobby seemed like a nice guy. From just looking at him and studying his face, Castiel could tell he was a nice gentle caring man. Castiel paid the man and left.
Castiel arrived back at the house and carried his bag of fat in. He microwaved some popcorn and headed up to Dean, who had fell back asleep after setting the movies on the Xbox. There were some older and newer copies and they looked stupid to Castiel but Cas knew Dean loved those movies, as he had told him yesterday. Castiel was glad to spend a day at home since they would be flying out to Minnesota tomorrow. Dean, of course, didn't know that yet.
Dean awoke to someone rubbing his back. He looked up and saw it was Cas. He grabbed Castiel and yanked him on top of him. Dean held Castiel tightly. Dean wished they could just stay like that forever. Except maybe with Dean on top since Castiels weight was a bit too much for him.
"Hey babe," Dean wheezed out. "Please get off."
"Oh I'm sorry Dean I forgot your not as strong as you used to be. My bad." Castiel said as he got up off of Dean. "So those movies?"
"Ah yes would you like to start with the older ones or the newer ones?"
"Older obviously."
"Okay." Dean said as he threw in the disk.
Castiel stripped back to his boxers. It was comfort to be naked but he didn't exactly like being naked. Just boxers was the next best thing. Castiel held a sleepy Dean in his arms. He knew Dean would sleep through the movies but Castiel wanted to watch them so Dean would feel happy and fulfilled that he had introduced Cas to something he liked.
Dean watched the first few minutes of the first movie and drifted off. He was awoken a few times by Castiel getting up to switch the movie or laughing too loud. But other than those minor interruptions Dean was stuck in a nightmare.
"Sammy!" Dean shouted. "Sammy?"
Dean was watching his brother be torn apart by some creature. It looked human in a sense but it looked like a burn victim. The name wendigo appeared in his mind. He was watching his baby brother be ripped apart by some ungodly creature.
"DEAN! DEAN HELP ME." He could hear Sammy crying for him. He couldn't do anything. It hurt.
"Sammy. HEY FUGLY DUDE, TAKE ME. TAKE ME INSTEAD." Dean screamed at the wendigo.
The creature paid Dean no attention.
Dean kept shouting and screaming and trying to save Sam but he couldn't. He knew this was a metaphor for him trying to save himself. He couldn't save Sammy in this dream. Just as he couldn't save himself in the real world.
"Dean? Hey Dean?" Castiel shook his baby awake.
"Yeah?" Dean mumbled.
"I finished the movies. I'm going to sleep but tomorrow we have something to do so get more sleep. And um I'll pack for myself in the morning. You can too. I'll tell you what to pack then. But for now I'm exhausted. Goodnight Dean."
"Goodnight Castiel. I love you."
"I love you too."
"GOOD NIGHT SAMMY." Dean screamed. He got no reply.
Dean walked down to Sams room to see if he was okay. He knocked and got a "come in" he entered the room. Dean walked over to Sammy and hugged him tight. It probably wasn't tight to Sammy but Dean was squeezing as tight as he possibly could.
"Hey Dean um what's wrong?" Sam asked his now crying brother.
"Nightmares Sammy. I can't save you. I can't save myself. I am useless." Dean managed to get out between sobs.
"Dean it'll be fine. You'll be fine. Cas will be fine. I will be fine. Just calm down. You wanna sleep in here tonight to spend some time together?"
"Yeah just let me grab some things from my room and talk to Cas."
Dean walked up and grabbed his pillow and his kitten Angel.
"Cas I'm going to sleep in Sammys room tonight. Just to spend some time with him. Okay?" Dean said to Cas.
"That's fine but Sammy will wake you at 7am and you will get up. Our flight leaves at 11am." Castiel told Dean.
"Flight? I am scared of flying..."
"It'll be okay I'll be right next to you the whole time."
"Okay. Goodnight Castiel. I'm in love with you."
"Goodnight Dean Winchester. I'm in love with you more."
Dean made his way to Sammys room. He put his pillow on Sams bed and held Sams hand as he drifted off.
"Goodnight Dean." Sam said to his older brother. "I love you."
"Goodnight Sammy. I love you too." Dean responded half asleep.

(A/N)

When I and my brother were in rough patches we would cuddle and hold hands for protection and to calm ourselves. I know that's a bit strange but I don't see it as incest I just see it as comforting. Judge me all you wish but through my abused life i needed my brother. I'm just seeing Dean in the same position. Thanks for reading.