Hate That I Love You

Chapter Thirty Two.

How am I feeling right now?

Upset? Yes.

Angry? Yes.

Confused as fuck? Most definitely.

My head is in my hands as my legs nervously shake involuntarily. Jason’s on one side of me, Justin’s on the other whilst Dom and Mark are opposite us.

Thankfully my tears haven’t made another appearance, and hopefully they don’t for the rest of the evening. I’ve cried enough today to last me a life time.

I feel Justin’s hand rub along my back and when he pulls be closer I wrap my arms around him and eventually stop my legs from shaking.

When there’s a knock on the door, I freeze. Unable to do anything. Having to make sure I remember how to breathe as Justin prises my arms from him, I stare at Dom and Mark in front of me, and with every ounce of strength I have, I use it to not look in her direction.

When I hear movement, I finally decide to look in Justin’s direction. He smiles and nods his head, as if to say ‘You can do this Pia, do it for me’

When I feel a weight lift beside me, I watch Jason stand up. My eyes follow him, and see my mom. She looks different this time, she’s in jeans and a shirt. Her dark brunette hair in loose curls down her back, just like mine. I notice she hasn’t got any make-up on either, then again she never really used to wear it a lot, usually only for special occasions. Her and Jason embrace in a hug for more than a few seconds, and that’s when I feel jealous. If Jason can have the decency to walk over to our mother who was supposedly dead for nine years, then I can too. Well, I can at least make myself do it.

Justin sits beside me and places his hand on my knee, I look at his hand and up to him “Go on” he whispers, only loud enough for me to hear. I smile, before pushing myself off the sofa and walking over to Jason and our mom, who are still holding each other.

When they sense that I’m near, they pull apart and look at me. Jason moves his arms away from our mom and pushes me gently in front of him. My mom holds her arms out in front of her, and it takes me a few seconds but for once in my life I do the decent thing, and take a step closer. Her arms fold around my waist as mine go around her shoulders.  I don’t need to hold back the tears because they don’t come, which surprises me. I feel tense, but I begin to relax when it hits me that this is my mom. Not some stranger I just met, not an enemy from a rival gang.

This is my mom.

After a few intense seconds, Jason puts his arms round us both. We stay like this for a few moments before finally pulling apart. Our mom places a hand to each of our cheeks and looks at us both, no doubt taking us all in.

She has missed nine years of our lives, so can you blame her?

Yes actually I can blame her. She pretended to be dead for nine years. I went crazy after my parents died, but actually hey surprise Pia, your mom’s actually alive after all.

After arguing with my conscience, I sit back down beside Justin, not leaving an inch between us. If he’s beside me throughout whatever happens next than I can get through it.

Dom and Mark say hello to our mom and hug before she sits between them both.

Justin offers us all a drink and we agree, Dom follows him in to the kitchen whilst the rest of us stays sitting. All I can do is stare at my mom. She hasn’t changed much, not from what I can remember. Her skins more tan, and her hair’s longer. She’s still got her beauty and no noticeable wrinkles.

When Justin arrives with the drinks. Jason and him have coffee’s, whilst mom and I have tea’s, and as usual Mark and Dom decided to have a beer.