Love In Hate

17 Inn's thought

Inn's POV

I went out from his house and walked to my car. I got in and started it right away. I drove out from his neighborhood. Later, I stopped my car by the roadside.

Shit! I punched my steering wheel. I didn't care when I felt a little pain in my hands. The red mark started to appear but there was no blood. I leaned against the seat and rubbed my face in frustration.

What had I done? I should have kept my mouth shut. I shouldn't have provoked him. And I shouldn't have called him a liar! That is so fucking... argh!

What's wrong with me? And what's wrong with him that he was able to make me feel miserable like this? I couldn't understand it.

Why... why... why... my mind kept asking me the same question. Now, who's going to answer it? I didn't know what is this feeling and when it started, but I just felt something when I was with Sun. Something that led me to him in a kinda good way. That made me wanted to share everything with him.

I knew him since last year, when I entered the school. He's a friend of Nash. They always hanged out together as I saw them playing basketball almost every evening. But, they didn't notice me back then. I was quite a timid guy with an unattractive personality. Not many of the students know me. Except that I'm the president of the music club.

Then again, what makes me feel attached to that guy? Just that one guy. It was strange because you know, we barely knew each other.

Maybe because even when he was laughing, I could see that he was trying to hide his sadness behind that laughter. He made me wanted to know him better and became his friend.

And yeah... I did. We met. In an unexpected way. He fainted on our first met. Could you believe that? I was so shocked and lost of what to do. I wanted to call for the teachers but looking at his condition, it might make it worse if the teacher knew. So, I decided to treat his wound myself. When he finally came to his consciousness, he looked at me with those confusing eyes. Then, I knew he didn't know me. At all.

Then, we met again. He came to my club room, which he never did. He looked so surprise to see me there. But I didn't greet him. I left the club room not long after that.

I wanted to meet him again but I didn't know how. I was thinking to meet him behind the sports building but I wasn't sure if he was going to be there. But I tried my luck. I showed up and there he was, sitting at the same place.

We had a conversation. I got to know his name. Then, we became close. Well, at least that was what I thought.

I followed him that night because I was worried. I saw him bought beer. He didn't notice I was there and I took that chance to spy on him. I always knew he had some kind of problem and I wanted to know what it was about. I wanted to help him if he allowed me.

Yeah... he did. He told me how his parents treated him. That time, I came up with a solution that I wanted to help him with his study. But I couldn't have done it if he didn't want to change himself as well.

We shared a lot of things. I got to know him better and he got to know me.

But I never thought he was a gay. Seriously, that thought never crossed my mind. Not even once.

He told me, never being a judgemental person. When I saw the manga, I planned to put it back. Maybe he just wanted to read it. But before I could do it, he came back. I asked him what is that, and he answered me sarcastically.

Then, I knew what I was thinking was right. But I was okay with him being gay. I was just mad he kept that big secret from me. I knew it's his personal life and he had the damn right to hide it if he wanted.

I admit the fault from my side. I was the one started it. I was the one to be blamed, not him. I think I have to ask for his forgiveness. If he wasn't willing to forgive me, at least I already said my sorry.

If not, this friendship was gonna end. I didn't want to be his shadow like before. I wanted to stand beside him. Always.

I couldn't get him out of my mind. I missed him. Already. Damn! Is this love?

It's a sweet moment but bitter as well.

Later, I put in the gear and drove to my uncle's studio. I wanted to find peace.