My Head or My Heart?

Chapter 17

After waving goodbye to Saraj and heading to my car, I slowly made the trek back home. Even though I had been beating myself up most of the time, I couldn't help but to think more on the subject. I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment; a true Masochist. I mused sadly as I pulled into the driveway. And of course pulling in just as my luck has been most of the night, Luca's car was still there.

"Of course.... " I murmured as I pulled in. I came in and put my shoes in the hallway changing into my slippers. If there was one thing I hated more than anything, it was tracking dirt and dust in my house. Especially after all the money I put into this with Luca I saw this as my investment. Now I don't mind cleaning and all, but not after pulling a 12+ hour shift. Usually I reserved those for my off days after Luca had gone to work. I came in and he was just finishing up his breakfast drinking his morning coffee.

"Hey babe." He greeted me.

I sighed a little sadly as I came up and just hugged him.

He looked a little concerned as he hugged me back.

"everything OK?" he asked pulling away to look at me.

How can I tell him about what happened? I thought looking at his eyes. I looked down, "yea.....just a long day at work."

He lifted my chin up with his hand, "wanna talk about it?"

"maybe after a drink of water."

"OK." he said as I went into our cabinet and pulled out one of our glass cups. I filled it and took a couple of sips to steady myself. Once finished, I put the cup down.

"feel better?"

I sighed again, "yes."

He smirked, "that's twice you've sighed. Usually you're all smiles and chatting a mile a minute. You haven't even complained about needing to take a shower since you got home. That's how I know something's up. What's wrong babe?"

"My boss and I-" I looked up and saw him looking at me. I paused, say it Jaya. I felt myself start to get worked up again as a tear escaped my eye. "My boss and I-" I tried again but my voice got caught in my throat. I can't do it!! I thought in frustration as a few more tears left my eyes.

"Hey hey hey....babe...." he looked very concerned, "it must be very serious if you're crying. You only cry if something is wrong." He came up and hugged me this time a little tighter, "shhh...it's alright. Whatever it was, it's alright; work is finished. You're home now and nothing else matters." I softly cried at his words I wish you were so right....I thought as I felt him kiss the top of my head. We stood there hugging tightly for a few minutes. My tears had dried up when I smelt his cologne as he hugged me. That smell always makes me feel calm. I thought as I took a deep smell again softly sighing. He pulled slightly away again and smiled down at me. "any better? Or do I have to hug you again? I mean I don't mind, It gives me all the more reason to touch you."

I chuckled at his stupid effort to make light of the situation.

"I don't deserve you..." I murmured not wanting to meet his eyes. His eyes showed his soul, it showed just how much this man loved me. It was enough to make me want to start crying again.

He looked down at me giving a incredulous smirk, "what do you mean? I think you mean I don't deserve you. Look, it's alright. When I get home from work, we'll cuddle and watch The Orville. Tomorrow we're gonna get dressed and then we're gonna go out and have a nice meal and do something fun to kick off our days off. How bout that? Don't tell me getting fresh air is gonna make you break down into tears?"

I softly laughed, "no. It won't, but...."

"but...." he continued

"I can't."