When you have it all: great job, living in a wonderful city, and the love of your life
until...You meet someone that rocks your very core.
Your soul mate?
What happens when that soul mate is the last person you would expect?
Let's see what happens.
...
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As I sit here, leg bouncing with what I can only be described as nervousness, waiting for my fiancée to return home from her weekend away. I haven't been this nervous before when it came to Jaya. I've also never felt like something was ultimately wrong in our relationship either. I've never thought that she was unhappy or that we weren't okay, until now. I can't explain it but I just feel off, the whole vibe is weird and has been for a few weeks if I'm being honest with myself. The time that she has been gone this weekend has given me a lot of time to think about us and what's been going on. I was in denial at first but spending some time alone had given me some insight. Coming home to an empty house wasn't uncommon but there were subtle things that let me know she had been here. The shower being wet, clothes in the hamper, those little things. But her being gone and even those little things not being done made me sit down and notice that things have been more than subtly changing between us.
I wondered if our conflicting schedules were finally getting to us. I mean I thought maybe that could happen but we've supported each other's dreams and goals since day one but all good things come to an end I guess. I know it definitely puts a strain on spending quality time together and sex becomes more like quickies in the event we get called in instead of the passionate moments you can get lost in. Speaking of, we haven't had sex in a while and that is just not like us at all. I don't want to pressure her whatsoever but I miss it. I don't just miss the sex, I miss her. I miss Jaya so much and I don't want to come off as a whining baby about it but I can't help how I feel.
~~~~~~~~~~LUCA'S WEEKEND~~~~~~~~~
When I got back from dropping her off and finally got home the smile I had been sporting faded when I realized I wouldn't see her for a few days. It was really random this award ceremony and I was a bit upset I wouldn't get to see her receive it but I supported it no matter the circumstances. This was a mile stone in her life that I ultimately would miss. That sucked to no end. I fought with myself about just calling off work and surprising her but I didn't want to look like I was raining on her parade. I know I have no reason to feel like that but in my gut I did. So I forfeited my plans and decided to stay home.
I laid on our bed and stared at the ceiling getting lost in my chaotic thoughts. I didn't want to lose Jaya. I'd step down and take less time away from home if I had to. I know it's probably our schedules that is making things tense. If you think about it I'm surprised we've made it this far. She works from seven pm to seven am and I am either an hour from waking up when she gets home or I'm already out the door when she gets there. We have a few off days that we try and plan any and everything while we can. However, there are days that we get called in from each other and there have been quite a few times we've left the other high and dry and that can't be healthy. I just thought, I don't know, I just thought we had it down packed. Like we were already prepared for this so we could push through it.
I have no idea how much time had passed but I just couldn't calm my mind so I went and changed into sweats, a sweatshirt, and my sneakers and figured it was time for a run. I grabbed my phone and decided to send Jaya a message to let her know I was thinking about her.
