My Head or My Heart?

Chapter 35

The picture stared back at me from the floor. If I thought I had been angry before, that was nothing on what I felt now. My hands were shaking so hard you would've thought I had Parkisons. My breath was coming out ragged and heavy to the point I was gasping through my mouth. My vision started blurring in the edges. I saw writing underneath the picture and picked up the magazine to read it.

"Dr. Montanari and his beautiful mentee and date for the award ceremony, Jaya Raj. The couple looked amazing in their lavish attire as they spent the evening cuddled up with non stop smiles. We caught an adorable picture of the couple kissing, showing they are just as much a team outside the operating room as they are inside."

"Fuck this..." I said as I stormed over and threw the magazine in the trash. The image of them kissing was seared in my mind. I had to get the hell out of this house. If I stayed another minute, I honestly don't know what I'd do. I quickly changed into a tank top and basketball shorts grabbed my phone, keys and headphones, and went for a run. Nothing else mattered at this point. I hit play on my playlist and just took off. I didn't care where I went, it just had to be as far away from this place as my legs could take me. I ran until my lungs wanted to burst. After that I walked, for how long, I can't say. Time stopped mattering for me. Nothing was important now.

Everything I thought was my life basically was now in that wastebasket. Yea I still had my job, my money, and my investment accounts. But money can only buy you so much happiness. And my happiness...the one I would've brought the world on a silver platter for, would've took a fucking bullet for, was being shared with someone who helped bring me into this world. The fucking irony of it all. Never in a million years would I have assumed that Jaya would cheat on me. I mean I'm not saying that as a good looking guy. Hell, I've seen it happen so many times with some of my friends and coworkers. But to come to know her, love her, give a part of my soul to her enough to want to share the rest of my life with her, and find out she did this behind my back. Yea, that was some cold blooded shit right there.

My proposal vibrated through my ears.

"I love you."

My heartbeat was ringing in my ears from beating so fast. Suddenly I felt a queasiness hit me.

"-I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't 100% sure in my mind I was making the right decision."

I ran and found a trash can just in time as I threw up everything I ate for lunch.

"Jaya Raj... Will you marry me?"

I thought about the engagement ring I asked Jaya to marry me with. Shit, how am I gonna get that back?

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "I'm so fucking stupid." I said taking small shallow breaths. I looked out and saw that I had somehow ended up by the Brooklyn Bridge. I sat down and looked out at the water as it calmly splashed against the rocks. As I looked out, little flashes of different parts of me and Jaya's relationship went through my mind: the first time we met, our first date, going out to meals, grocery shopping. All of it tortuously played over and over in my mind. That and hearing her say "I love you." It was too much. All my anger and frustration hit me in one fatal swoop at the sound of her words in my ears. I broke down and just hung my head in my hands as I started to cry. I must be in hell. I don't know for how long I sat there or how long I cried. I just let myself get consumed by it all.

I eventually tuned back into my surroundings and noticed the sun was starting to set. I checked my phone and Google Mapped my location. Walking wise I was about an hour from our house. Our? I shook my head, the house.