The worst part about depression isn't the empty feeling in your heart. It's not being able to or simply not knowing how to talk about it. You all say I can talk to you but I can't talk about it if I don't understand it myself. I'd love to talk it out and get answers but I can't even ask the question. I don't know what I could say a d if I say anything at all I feel like you will get annoyed. Everytime I start to say something about it I shut myself down so I don't upset you. I'm sorry I'm like this. For 14 years I was a happy normal kid. Then shortly after my 15th birthday I got depressed. And I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop it no matter how much I wanted to. My mom asks me "so why are you so depressed? " I don't know. I just am my so called friends ask if its because of how I look. My dad doesn't even notice. Yes I know it's my fault they don't know. I've mastered a fake smile and a forced laugh when laughing used to be all I'd do. A smile was always on my face. Now? Well now I have frown lines. My laughs are smaller and quiter then they where. I wish I could talk but I can't make the words come out of my mouth. I'm sorry I'm like this. I'm sorry I can't be what you want all the time. I'm sorry I'm almost always sad I didn't chose to be like this. I'd give anything to be the old me. To be the happy me. To not starve myself because the thought of food makes my stomach flip. To not have lines of red dried blood on my wrist and legs. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I'm sorry I'm me.
Sincerely, A broken girl
